General political musings…

∙ Beta: Papa ye sab kya hai? Saare statues dikhai kyun nahin de rahe hai?
Papa: Beta, ye sab Maya hai!

∙ Old Saying: Empty vessels make a lot of noise.
New Saying: MT vessels make a lot of noise.
(Where MT=Manish Tewari)

∙ BJP ko bahut Darr lag raha hai kyunki Congress bol raha hai… I love you q q q q q q quota…

∙ No virtual understanding
India: Chalo boriya bistar band kar ke chale jao…
Facebook & Google: Par hamara koi boriya bistar hai hi nahin, sab virtual hai!
India: To bas chale jao hamare desh se…
Facebook & Google: Par ham yaha sab hai hi nahin… sab virtual hai…
India: Abbe ye Interent ka off switch kahan hai bhai?

∙ EC official: Aap ka election funding kaise hota hai?
Politician: Sab bhagwaan ke hawale kar diya hai!
EC official: Hawala!

© Sunil Rajguru

Today’s random musings…

Look up and look down…
Vijay Mallya (Looking up): Can someone please bail me out?
Manmohan Singh (Looking up): Can someone please bail my government out?
Barack Obama (Looking up): Can someone please bail my country out?
God (Looking down): Can someone please bail me out of handling these humans?

The Modern Day Descartes
The Economy: I sink therefore I am.
Anna Hazare: I drink therefore I… Bam!
Indian Politician: I hoodwink therefore I am.
Social Media Enthusiast: I hyperlink therefore I am.

Differences in perspective
Rahul Gandhi on his “Join the poor” road show to a chaiwallah: Ek “By two” chai dena!
Mayawati to the Centre: Ek “By four” State dena!

The Law of Diminishing Returns
Rahul to Maya: Main tere tukde tukde kar doonga…
Maya to UP: Main tere tukde tukde kar doongi…
Rahul: Kya mujhe sirf ek tukda mil sakta hai?

Democracy versus Mobocracy
How many people does it take to elect a government in Egypt?
—30-40 million in a nationwide ballot.
How many people does it take to topple a government in Egypt?
—1 million at Tahrir Square!

Abbreviated governance…
BJP: 2G!

Spot the difference…
What’s the difference between Rahul Gandhi and LK Advani?
—Both want to be prime minister and are perpetually touring the country to achieve their ends, the only difference is that Rahul is Rathless.

Downright abysmal PJ of the day…

India without Kashmir will be like a headless chicken going Pak Pak Pak Pak PoK PoK PoK PoK…

© Sunil Rajguru

We all follow Anna…

Anna: Is desh ko jail bharo andolan ki zaroorat hai.
Impact: MPs and former MPs start lining up in Tihar jail. All the Reddy politicians down south either get arrested or chargesheeted.

Anna: Digvijay ko mental asylum bhejo.
Maya: Ye accha idea hain! Julian Assange ko bhi mental asylum bhejo!

Anna: Ek strong bill hi corruption khatam karega.
Maken tries Annagiri immediately after the fast with a strong Sports Bill, but unfortunately falls flat.

Anna: Chahe to Parliament ka gherao karo!
Advani: Ye accha idea hai. (And for days the BJP protests outside parliament instead of inside it).

Anna: Anshan sahi raasta hai.
Government planners: To food inflation ko badne do, phir sabko majbooran anshan karna hi padega!

Anna: Main politicians ke khilaaf kuch bhi boloonga.
Poor Kiran, Om Puri, Kejriwal, Prashant Bhushan try exactly the same thing and promptly get privilege notices.

© Sunil Rajguru

Indian political similes…

…as proud as Maya and her statues

…as spoilt as Mamata and her tantrums

…as unfulfilled as Advani and his dreams

…as stale as the Left and its government in Bengal

…as high-profile as Raj Thackeray and his miniscule achievements

…as low-key as Manmohan and his style of governance

…as destructive as Laloo and his Bihar rule

…as murky as cricket and its political patrons

…as huge as a politician’s black wealth

…as hopeless an Indian leader’s vision

…as blind as an Indian voter’s vote

…as brazen as a corrupt politician’s defence

…as ineffective as an Indian government scheme

…as opportunistic as Pawar and his tie-ups

…as two-faced as Vajpayee and his political life

…as fleeting as Deve Gowda’s prime ministerial stint

…as anonymous as Gujral’s prime ministerial stint

…as diplomatic as Amar Singh and his network

…as bankrupt as an Indian leader’s idea bank

…as fiery as a communal speech

…as enigmatic as Sonia and her mind

…as lasting as the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty

This Version By Sunil Rajguru