Latest round of match-fixing musings…

Scamster ho ya match-fixer ho…
Aakhir chhoot jaata hai, chhoot jata hai…

Reporter: Srini?
Mudgal: Sriknew.
‪#‎IPL‬ ‪#‎MudgalReport‬

Selector: Did you check out Powerplay 1, Powerplay 2 and Powerplay 3?
Official: No, I was checking out Individual 1, Individual 2 and Individual 3.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

If the commentators included match-fixing in their commentary…

…that’s a Yes Bank maximum, but it’s a poor delivery, is it fixed, in that case it definitely is a yes Bank Maximum delivery for the bowler…

…all the wickets are falling like nine pins, looks like the bookies have thrown crores and crores on the batsman of a single team…

…the captain signals the bowler to get his act together who in turn ignores the captain and signals the bookie by taking out his towel…

…everything seems to be slipping through the fielders hands except the pile of cash he will surely collect at the end of this match…

…is such a bad batsman that he can’t even score runs in what clearly looks like a fixed over…

…how many overs are fixed in this match? For your guesses, Tweet to…

…how do you feel when your team has clearly won a fixed match, call in at…

…the captain is making some pretty strange decisions, looks like the bookies have finally got to him…

© Sunil Rajguru

IPL: Inverting the pyramid…

Skill: To get a batsman to play a dot ball at will.
Greater Skill: To get a batsman to hit a six at will.

Skill: To earn money by playing good cricket.
Greater Skill: To earn more money by playing bad cricket.

Skill: To balance matches, training sessions and meetings.
Greater Skill: To balance matches, parties, interviews and franchisee commitments.

Skill: Managing administrators, senior players and commentators as contacts.
Greater Skill: Managing bookies, middlemen and underworld dons as contacts.

Bottomline: International cricket requires skills, but IPL requires greater skills.

© Sunil Rajguru

What is cricket?

Cricket is a gentleman’s game — Anonymous.

Cricket is a pyjamaman’s game — Kerry Packer.

Cricket is a batsman’s game — Modern battered bowler.

Cricket is a businessman’s game — BCCI.

Cricket is a busyman’s game — T20.

Cricket is an adman’s game — TV channels.

Cricket is a bookieman’s game — Sreesanth.

Cricket is a D-companyman’s game — Delhi Police.

Cricket is a short-term-memory-loss-man’s game — Means we will forget this fixing scandal and continue watching as if nothing has happened…

This version by Sunil Rajguru

IPL spot-fixing musings…


· If Indian cricket glorifies itself, sports channels TRPs are up.
If Indian cricket disgraces itself, news channels TRPs are up.
Either way the TRPs are up!

· Yesterday’s batsman: By God, I hope this is a loose ball.
Today’s batsman: By bookie, I hope this is a fixed ball!

· Chandila to Sree: I can match your spot-fixing.
Delhi Police: I can spot your match-fixing.
BCCI: You still can’t match my being spotless.

· Indians believe strongly in fate, meaning life itself is fixed.
What is match-fixing in front of life-fixing?

· Some 25 cricketers have been banned for fixing, (half of them Indians).
So now let’s have an India XI versus World XI match, with the losing team being declared the victor.

· In 2008, Bhajji slapped Sree.
In 2009, he got Padma Shri.
Action and reward long before spot-fixing-gate?

© Sunil Rajguru

Fix kare ya na kare ye kaisi mushkil hai…

Please sing to the tune of Rangeela‘s Kya kare kya na kare ye kaisi mushkil hai

Fix kare ya na kare ye kaisi mushkil hai,
Koi to bata de iska hal o mere bhai,
Ki ek taraf to paise se pyaar kare hum,
Aur game ko khelne se darrein hum.

Roz roz hum sochta yahi,
Aaj humko chance mil jaaye kahin,
To aisa khelega saala vaisa khelega,
Khullam khulla bat aur ball pe hamla karega,
Par jab rokda saamne chamakti hai,
Saans hi atakti hai,
Aur ye ball jaati hai fisal,

Fix kare ya na kare ye kaisi mushkil hai,
Koi to bata de iska hal o mere bhai,
Ki ek taraf to paise se pyaar kare hum,
Aur game ko khelne se darrein hum.

Koi badi baat nahin humein fix karna tha jo bhi,
Vo to hum yoohi karte magar,
Phir bhi kaha nahin vajah iski hai yehi,
Bas garibi se humko hai darr,
Ab fixing ka paisa chhode ya na chhode,
Fixing ko haan kahe ya na kahe,
Soch soch main hi match gayi nikal…

Fix kare ya na kare ye kaisi mushkil hai,
Koi to bata de iska hal o mere bhai,
Hey bhai mere bhai,
O mere bhai,
Hey bhai mere bhai
O mere bhai.

(Ab “bhai” hi batayega iska hal!)
(Original Song: Kya Kare Kya Na Kare
Film: Rangeela
Year: 1995)