This is a Roti (vote-catching expensive Food Security Bill), Kapda (itna corruption hua hain ki badan pe kapde bache hi nahin hain) aur Makaan (Adarsh housing scam) government.
(Aur Bandwidth? 2G main hi atka hain abhi bhi!)
∙ UPA1: Nuke Deal.
UPA2: Nuked deals.
∙ Q: What is IT?
Kapil Sibal: Indira Technology.
Q: Matlab?
Sibal: Is desh ko Emergency ki zaroorat hai!
∙ A comes before B.
Umpteen Amendments before the actual Bill!
Wah re Lokpal!
© Sunil Rajguru
A Raja: +Rs 1.76 lakh crore.
Kapil Sibal: -Rs 1.76 lakh crore.
Congress Spokespersons: Speak so much gas that they are a serious threat to global warming.
Congress High Command: Speak so less that if they actually lost their voices, then the nation wouldn’t notice for 10 odd years.
Baba Ramdev was handled with Physical Violence.
Anna Hazare was handled with Verbal Violence.
Manmohan Singh is the Picture of Sanity.
Diggy Raja is the Picture of Insanity.
Kapil Sibal as Education Minister ultimately Virtually achieved nothing.
As IT Minister, he tried to Educate the Virtual World.
Pranab Mukherjee is the No. 1 Trouble shooter.
The rest of the Cabinet are No. 1 Trouble Creators.
Rahul Gandhi is invisible in the Lok Sabha.
He’s Ultra-Visible in Uttar Pradesh.
© Sunil Rajguru
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Pre-screen.
Pre-screen who?
Pre-screen you and your head first, Mr Minister!
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Anna.
Anna who?
An’ now to Stage 3 of my agitation!
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Black money.
Black money who?
Black many accounts yes, but back money to India, no!
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
(The world’s largest democracy wants to regulate the world’s largest democratic medium…)
Kapil Sibal sahab: Whether it’s someone like you or someone like me,
Whether it’s grand Madam Sonia or the beleaguered Narendra Modi,
Whether you’re a bigot or trying to make your point pretty fairly,
Whether you’re pretty famous or just a piece of anonymity,
Once you get into cyberspace and make any opinion “simply”,
Get ready to be attacked and get it from all sides equally,
If a newspaper becomes trash the next day, in cyberspace it’s gone in an hour,
(Unless you keep digging it out of the grave over some perverse sense of honour),
Just take the criticism and move on, the Net won’t cut you any slack,
Otherwise just get out of cyberspace and don’t look back.
© Sunil Rajguru
Manmohan Singh: I nearly Nuked the government once and almost did it again with the Foreign (DI) Hand.
P Chidambaram: I converted the Ministry into “Home” operations for the party.
Pranab Mukherjee: I brought about tremendous Financial growth in inflation and hikes.
Kapil Sibal: I mastered Miscommunication and Misinformation and turned politics into a “legal” Technology.
A Raja: I converted Telecom into Telecon and pulled Rs 1.76 lakh crore magically out of thin air (spectrum).
Abhishek Manu Singhvi: I single-handedly converted the Lokpal into a Netapal.
Praful Patel: I laid the seeds of Aviation becoming less Civil.
S Jaipal Reddy: Thanks to me, Petroleum is full of Gas.
Ambika Soni: I Broadcast Misinformation.
MK Azhagiri: I Fertilized the DMK.
Suresh Kalmadi: I showed how any Common Wealth could be turned into a financial Game for any politician.
Sharad Pawar: I made sure that all political Food was Consumed by the UPA and facilitated for political and private (non-Public) Distribution.
© Sunil Rajguru
Said: We believe that you have the right to say whatever you want…
Unsaid: …as long as it agrees with us.
Said: We do not believe in censorship, but pre-screening.
Unsaid: How about a compulsory Anti-Offensive Software for every computer? Think of the effectiveness! Think of the revenue for such a project! Think of the kickbacks!
Said: I will defend your right to freedom of speech till the very end.
Unsaid: Till your end at least!
Said: Look at these photos. Aren’t they offensive? (At the press conference)
Unsaid: A voracious Facebooker like me hadn’t even seen these photos! Now thanks to you, millions are exchanging the same on the Internet all over the world.
Said: We asked the Internet companies to come out with a mechanism in four long weeks.
Unsaid: Even though the Lokpal Bill has been hanging fire with us politicos for four short decades.
Said: We asked them to give it in writing!
Unsaid: Even though our written “sense of the house” had absolutely no bearing on the Lokpal Bill.
Said: We will come out with the guidelines soon.
Unsaid: I have seen what problems this silly move has created and as usual we are going to make the problem so big that we will be forced to beat a hasty retreat.
© Sunil Rajguru