The truth about the ISI…

If the ISI is declared a terrorist organization by the US…

ISI: But I report directly to the Pakistan Army Chief!

Pakistan Army Chief: But I report directly to the Pakistan President!

Pakistan President: But I report directly to the US President!

US President: Hey! But I report directly to… no-one!

Terrorism always comes to a full circle as the buck always stops at the desk of the US President…

© Sunil Rajguru

May 2011 Status Updates

∙ Left hand doesn’t know what right hand is doing?
In Pakistan, the brain doesn’t know what both hands are doing.

∙ Feels like Dhoni was born and brought up in Chennai. Won’t be surprised if he stars in Shankar’s next film speaking fluent Tamil!

(May 29)

∙ Here: ISI = Indian Standards Institute
Elsewhere: ISI = International Standards Institute of terrorists

(May 28)

∙ The IPL has just split into the Indies Premier League and the Injured Premier League.

∙ Major Iqbal doesn’t exist.
ISI-terror nexus doesn’t exist.
Osama support system never existed…
Very soon Pakistan won’t exist!

(May 27)

∙ Current political roadmap for India…
No Left turns…
No Right turns…
But still long steep road ahead…

∙ Dear Bharadwaj,
Karnataka is not fond of Pratibha Patil.
Kindly leave her out of the equation.
Even someone who’s not a fan of Yeddy.

∙ There was Houdini, who could get out of any situation, no matter what…
Then there’s Houdhoni!

∙ It’s either Gayle or Ghayal.
RCB is an Aaya Gayle, Gaya Gayle team… totally Gayle bharose

(May 25)

∙ From now on, the Indian version of the Punch and Judy Show will be referred to as the Hans and Yeddy Show.

∙ Charlie Sheen was the only Man in Two and a Half Men.
With the way it is going, they should rename it…
Three Half-men.

(May 20)

∙ In case of midterm polls in Karnataka, Bharadwaj should be the Cong CM candidate.
He’s the only Cong face and his aggression may well help the state.
(In 2014, if BJP wins at centre, then BSY can become Governor)

(May 16)

∙ Petrol prices in India don’t need Viagra.
They keep rising all the time no matter what…

(May 15)

∙ US-Pak ties are like a terribly failed marriage where both parties are petrified of a divorce…

(May 13)

∙ If India had to retrieve its most wanted out of Pakistan, we’d require a fleet of A380s to do so, not a bunch of choppers!

∙ I am not ashamed of being an Indian.
I am just sickeningly and totally used to it all by now.

(May 12)

∙ Right now, the US government is fantasizing of doing the same thing to Julian Assange.

∙ Second Thoughts: All Pak Armymen begin their career in Abbottabad. So it was only natural that ISI’s biggest recruit began his career there under a new boss.

(May 10)

∙ Morning Show: Phas Gaya re Osama!
Noon Show: Tere bin Laden!

(May 2)

© Sunil Rajguru

Na toone Osama dekha, na maine Osama dekha…

When the Pakistan President met the ISI chief after the Osama killing, this is what they sang to each other…

(Please sing to the tune of Dono jawani ki masti main choor from the film Coolie)

Dono anaadi ke masti main choor,
Tera kasoor na mera kasoor.

Na toone Osama dekha, na maine Osama dekha,
Par Osama pakda gaya ho Rabba Rabba,
Incident ho gaya, disagreement ho gaya,
Permanent ho gaya Rabba Rabba.

Hum do anaadi na dekhi Abbottobad ki haveli,
Na dekha uski parchai,
(Par ye samundar main dal di ye kiski body?)
Na toone choppers dekhe, na maine choppers dekhe
Par Osama pakda gaya…

Lagta hamari matthi maari gayi thi,
Par India ki bhi kuch galti thi,
Mausam ki bhi kuch neeyat kharab thi,
Na toone khatra dekha, na maine khatra dekha,
Par Osama pakda gaya…

Arre nuksaan saara to bharna padega O bharna padega,
Ab humko Amrika ke saamne jhukna hi padega.
Na toone khabar leak ki, na maine khabar leak ki,
Par Osama pakda gaya…

(Original Song: Dono jawani ki masti
Film: Coolie
Year: 1983)

This spoof by Sunil Rajguru