The poverty of Pappu…

Pappu says poverty is a state of mind.
Let’s kick the Congress out in 2014.
Then tell him: You are PM! Power is just a state of mind!

Pappu: Poverty is just a state of mind.
Comment: Strange statement coming from a person who has little understanding of both “poverty” and “mind”.
Diggy Raja: In his mind, Pappu is demanding a separate state for poverty.

What if Pappu became a stand-up comedian?
Wait a minute… he already is!
Now all his speeches make perfect sense!

What he actually said…
Poverty is a state (that is here to stay and I’m out of my) of mind.

You should celebrate Friendship/Women’s/Children’s Day 365 days a year.
Like Pappu celebrates April 1 365 days a year.

Rich man: Aaj mere paas building-e hai, property hai, bank balance hai, bangla hai, gaadi hai, kya hai tumhare paas?
Poor man: Errr… errr…
Pappu: State of mind… state of mind…
Poor man: Par mere paas to kuch bhi bahin hai. Khaana bhi nahin hai babu!
Pappu: Confidence… confidence… confidence!!!

Dear Congress,
Jab Jab is desh main paap badhega tab tab jokes, memes, doctored pictures, spoofs, cartoons, parodies aur satires badenge.
Learn to live with it!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Yet more Diggy Raja musings…

· Diggy Raja quotes fuel Twitter/FB jokes, humour sites, spoofs, parodies, cartoons and of course serious news in mainstream media.

· A day will come when Diggy Raja will finally say something that actually makes sense and the whole nation will go into shock.

· Online Trolls are absolutely pathetic.
But more pathetic are the Offline Trolls who call themselves Congress spokespersons.

· Roger Hollis: Biggest real-life double agent?
Professor Snape: Biggest in fiction?
Diggy Raja: Our biggest double agent?
(Ref: His bizarre statements weaken Congress, help BJP/RSS)

· My name is ______ and I’m an idiot.
The amount of Congress spokespersons who can put their name in the above sentence is not funny.

· #‎Bhonku‬ is a profound hashtag.
What about the voice’s “master”?
What about the people who feed it regularly?
Why do people love hearing it?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Diggy Raja musings…

IPL player: I’m a millionaire!
Business tycoon: I’m a billionaire!
Indian economy: I’m a trillionaire!
Diggy Raja: I’m so full of air!
(The need to say something to anything thrown at him)

The conundrum…
Who was he first to make his millionth inane TV byte?
Diggy Raja or Suhel Seth?

What if there were no TV news channels?
Diggy Raja: Well then, I’d be unemployed!

In the US there are millions of conspiracy theories spread via newspapers, magazines and the Internet.
In India we have a one-man industry called Diggy Raja.

© Sunil Rajguru

Measuring the United Progression of Audio (UPA)

So much noise pollution is taking place thanks to that irrepressible group of people that call themselves the Congress spokespersons, that a brand new science called the United Progression of Audio (UPA) is being studied.

The scales…

Decibel (dB) = Unit of sound.

130dB = Threshold of pain.

194dB = Theoretical limit for undistorted sound.

Beyond that is the severely distorted UPA universe.

200db = 1 Sibal

10 Sibals (1 DeSibal) = 1 Singhvi.

10 Singhvis = 1 Renuka.

10 Renukas = 1 Aiyar.

10 Aiyars = 1 Tiwari.

10 Tiwaris = 1 Narayanaswamy.

10 Narayanaswamys = 1 DiggyRaja.

It is very difficult to go above the DiggyRaja Scale, for not only does the sound go for a toss at that level, but the very reality becomes distorted. TV waves have proved to be a perfect medium for carrying that type of reality distorted sound.

Some UPA statistics…

∙ On the day when all these spokespersons speak in unison, the resulting supersonic boom travels all around the world seven times. It has been known to disturb the flight paths of many poor unsuspecting migrating birds.

∙ In 2011, the noise pollution levels in the country rose by 32,237%.

∙ Many common citizens have complained of severe hearing problems thanks to all these high levels of distorted sound.

∙ Others have also complained of severe eye problems as they simply can’t believe the reality that they are seeing. (At the DiggyRaja scale, hallucinations have been known to occur).

∙ Psychiatrists have noted a rise in trauma thanks to people watching too much TV news channels.

∙ In its annual survey, The Global Politeness Institution has ranked India the fourth rudest country in the world at the end of 2011 as against its position of 154 at the end of 2010.

© Sunil Rajguru

Some Kapil Sibal censorship musings…

∙ Diggy Raja to Sibal: Jitni shaurat mujhe politics main chaalis saal main nahin mili, us-se jyaada tumhe cyberspace main ek chaalis minute ke press conference ke baad mili!

∙ Kapil, what you are trying to do on the Internet is imposibal!

Khoob jamega rang, jab mil baithenge teen dost…Sibal, Diggy aur Stupidity…

Sone… <Kapil Sibal joins Facebook>
…pe suhaaga… < Facebook introduces Hate button>

Ab har Mummy apne bete se kahegi…
Log off kar de beta, warna Kapil Sibal aa jaayega!

Saare netizens Darr rahe kyunki Cyber Dada aa raha hai… we are afraid of you K K K K K Kapil!

∙ Google India is thinking that if it can get a cent for every sentence against Sibal on Google, it could substantially increase its revenues.

© Sunil Rajguru

Main politician to nahin…

(Original Lyrics: Main shaayar to nahin, magar ae haseen jab se dekha maine tujhko, mujhko shaayari aa gayi…
Song: Main shayar to nahin. Film: Bobby. Year: 1973.)

Now Kanimozhi was a shaayar to begin with. So how did she enter politics?
Her take…
Main politician to nahin, magar ae haseen rokda jab se dekha maine tujhko, mujhko politics aa gayi…

Manmohan’s take…
Main politician to nahin, magar ae kambakht Raja ko jabse dekha, mujhko politics aa gayi…

Anna’s take…
Main politician to nahin, magar ae haseen andolan aur mauka jab se dekha maine tujhko, mujhko politics aa gayi…

Diggy Raja’s take…
Main spokesperson to nahin, magar ae Congress bachane ka bhoot ka virus jab se dimaag main ghusa, mujhko verbal diarrhoea aa gayi…

Main politician to nahin, magar kya karu, mere DNA main hain, politics aaye ya na aaye, ek din to pradhan mantra ban-na hi padega! Meri duvidha samjha karo bhai log!

Main pradhan mantri to nahin, magar marte dum tak pradhan mantrigiri jaayegi nahin…

Ye koi maya to nahin, par jabse maine pradhan mantri ki kursi ko dekha, aur kuch dikhai deta hi nahin…

Na main politician hu, na main shaayar hu, bus ek behind the scenes player hu…

Main politician to nahin, magar ae Subramanian Swamy ko jab se dekha, lagta hai ki bachi kuchi politics bhi chali jaayegi…

Main politician to nahin, main billionaire bhi nahin, main BCCI main bhi koi nahin, in fact main kuch bhi nahin…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru