What was it about Dhoni then, eh?

cup-1015644_1280As captains…

Sourav Ganguly won exactly Zero finals in tournaments that involved 4 or more teams.

MS Dhoni won 11 finals in tournaments that involved 4 or more teams.

Virat Kohli won exactly Zero finals in tournaments that involved 4 or more teams.

The Dhoni list…

2007 T20 World Cup

2010 Asia Cup

2010 IPL

2010 Champions League Twenty20

2011 ODI World Cup

2011 IPL

2013 Champions Trophy

2014 Champions League Twenty20

2016 Asia Cup

2018 Asia Cup

2018 IPL

Dhoni was also the first captain to take India to the ICC No. 1 rankings in Tests, ODIs and T20s.

Foreign Test debacle musings…

Dhoni: I lost in Auckland.
Srinivasan: Don’t worry, I won in Dubai.

New Zealand to sirf ek jhaaki hai,
England main whitewash abhi baaki hai.

Srinivasan should step down as BCCI President.
–>Becomes ICC President instead.
Chennai Superkings should be scrapped.
–>He’ll do so and simply launch Chennai SuperEmperors instead.

Detractors: You have no moral right to be BCCI President.
Srinivasan: OK! Let me be ICC President instead!

India, England and Australia try to form ICC super group.
With the way we are playing, I think we should form a super group with Bangladesh and Zimbabwe instead.

On foreign soil in Tests, the only question to be asked is whether the Indian team as a whole will cross the individual score of the highest Opposition batsman.

Ishant Sharma is like a salesman.
The moment he feels he has met his target of wickets, he takes it easy for the rest of the quarter.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes 22

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Snowden.
Snowden who?
So no then to all my asylum appeals you spineless countries?

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Dhoni.
Dhoni who?
Don’ you even think of giving up before the last ball!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Privacy.
Privacy who?
Pry waise har government karta hi rahata hai na?

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
China.
China who?
Chai na peete raho babu logo aur dekho sarhad pe kya ho raha hai!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Ashes.
Ashes who?
Aishe kaishe DRS syshtem thopa hai cricketing world pe?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Cricketing musings…

· February Chennai India-Australia Test report…
Michael ki cycle stand giri. No time to Siddle down as they Wade through tricky waters for Hughes defeat. Starc contrast between the two teams, as Lyons become lambs. It’s a Warner for the remaining Tests as they Ed to Hyderabad. Spin’s in: It’s elementary, my dear Watson!

· 0-4: Koi baat nahin Dhoni!
0-8: Koi baat nahin Dhoni!
1-2: Enough, perform or perish!
Bam bam bam bam bam… 224!
BCCI: Sigh! Pahale kyun nahin warn kiya!

· Steyn: Me Best.
Philander: Me Bester.
Abbott: Me bestest.
(Dear Cricket South Africa,
More ODIs/T20s instead of Tests?
Warm regards,
BCCI.)

· The curse of 2 Test Triples?
Lara was in and out of the team.
Gayle was dropped for ages.
Sehwag looks on his way out.
(Exception: Bradman)

© Sunil Rajguru

Indian cricket decline musings…

• Indian Test team needs FDI. Needs to include 4 foreign players like an IPL team to remain internationally competitive.

• GB Shaw remixed: Cricket is a game played by 22 fools, watched by 22,000 spectators, followed by 22 crore people on TV and has probably generated 22 billion useless status messages by now.

• Dravid and Laxman have ruined it forever. After Eden 2001, fans always believe we can make a comeback from the most hopeless of situations.

• Even myths on decline…
Sachin scored only two Test 50s in 2012.
India lost both matches.
New myth: Whenever Sachin scores a 50, we lose.

• Pitches fast, flat ya ho spinning,
India can just forget about winning.

• Waiting for the day when the BCCI will ban the ICC for not following its rules.

• In 1675 Captain Cook discovered the South Sandwich Islands.
In 2012, Captain Cook converted the Indian attack into a Sandwich and had it for lunch as India went South.

Na Vir hoke khele, na Gambhirta se khele, koi Virat score nahin, Sachi’ main ab Bharat cricket ka Yuvraj bhi nahin… That’s the Mahi Way.

• BCCI is fighting for money, Dhoni is fighting against curators, Sachin is fighting age, Sehwag is fighting his instincts, Bhajji is fighting for his form, Yuvi is fighting for a permanent place, Rahane is fighting to get in, Fletcher is still fighting to establish himself… Who is fighting England?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Indian cricket musings…

∙ Can’t pace. Can’t spin. Can’t play pace. Can’t play spin.
But can still spin the ad market at a frantic pace.

∙ Dhoni sahab, mitti pe itna dhyaan doge to mitti main hi mil jaoge.
Insaan match khelta hai, pitch ki mitti nahin.

∙ Cricketer 1980: It is not about winning or losing, but playing well.
Cricketer 2012: It is not about winning or losing, but earning well.

∙ The pitch needs a Curator.
Indian cricket needs a Cure.

∙ Dhoni checklist. Can’t sack Fletcher. Can’t sack Gambhir. Can’t sack Sachin. Can’t sack self. So… sack curator!

∙ 2009: At least we are Test No. 1.
2010: At least we give a fight on foreign soil.
2011: At least we win at home.
2012: At least… F*** it! We still have all the money!

∙ As lucky as Dhoni has become As stubborn as Dhoni.
As godlike as Sachin has become As mortal as Sachin.
As ineffective as Duncan Fletcher remains.

Jab tak sooraj chand rahega,
Dhoni captain aur Sachin khelta rahega.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru