Kejri aur sarvanaash

Indian Revenue Service.
No idea of revenue.
No idea of service.
No idea of Indian.
Indian Institute of Technology.
No idea of technology.
Chief Minister of New Delhi.
No idea of New Delhi.
Only idea: “Chief”. I. Me. Main.

Film reviews ✓
Personal attacks ✓
Allegations ✓
No portfolio ✓
No work ✓
Garbage woes✘
Power woes✘
Delhi problems✘

New Delhi…
2011: Spring of Hope.
2016: Winter of Despair and Discontent.

It is said that Delhi is a city which has been destroyed and rebuilt 7 times.
After Kejri is finished with it, it may have to be rebuilt the 8th time.

Loading Anarchy in New Delhi.
20% downloaded.
80% left.

Give a self-confessed Anarchist 67/70 seats in an Assembly and you will definitely get anarchy. Just four more years though.

Highest paid Chief Minister in India.
+ Most media goodwill.
= Least amount of work.

Kejri’s 2 gears.
1. Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me.
2. Modi Modi Modi Modi Modi Modi.

2 “Left” turns = 1 U-turn.
2 U-turns = Back to where he started.
Repeat process again and again.

Kejri with 67 MLAs is 10 times more powerless than Sheila Dixit with 43 MLAs.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri holidays even as Delhi becomes a dump…

People are starving!
Marie-Antoinette—Let them eat cake!
People are suffering pollution!
Sri Sri Kejri Baba—Let them get naturopathy!

Mukhya Mantri Kejri = Dukhi Mantri Kejri.
Always complaining.
Always abusing.
Always blaming others.
Always giving reasons for failure.

Arvind Karl Marx virtually sold Communism while campaigning.
New Communism has finally come to New Delhi.
Enjoy till 2020!

Instead of meeting the problem or meeting the protestors or even meeting experts, Kejri will meet the press in a conference.
Story of his political life!

Who said Kejri doesn’t have other portfolios?
Minister (Press Conferences).
Minister (Passing the Buck).
Minister (Out of State Matters).

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu-Kejri musings…

#StartUpPappu? I in 2004.
#StartUpPappu II in 2009.
#StartUpPappu III in 2014.
#StartUpPappu IV in 2019.
#StartUpPappu V in 2024.
#StartUpPappu VI in 2029.
…ad infinitum…ad nauseam…

#StartUpPappu? was started in 2004.
In 2016, it is still starting.

Everyone will get his or her 15 minutes of fame.
But I will get my 15 minutes of fame 15 million times.
—Sri Sri Kejri Baba.

Upgrade mobile. Downgrade State.
Mamata worse than Buddhadeb.
Akhilesh worse than Maya.
Kejri worse than Sheila.
Nitish’s new deputy worse than predecessor.

Rang De Nautanki.
#BlackInk #Drama

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Golden Misgovernance Quadrilateral…

West Bengal-Bihar-UP-Delhi.
The Golden Misgovernance Quadrilateral.

You can fool some of the people some of the time. (India)
You can fool some of the people all the time. (Delhi)
But you can’t fool all the people all the time.

Jab take rahega samose main alu,
Tab tak rahega Bihar main Lalu,
Chalo kardu 13.5% luxury tax chalu.
Aur pata nahin main kya kya kar dalu.

While ‪#‎Malda‬ is a blot, what is chilling is that it’s probably not even among Mamata’s 5 biggest blots since 2011.

Lalu: Super CM.
Tejaswi: Future CM.
Tej: Could be CM.
Misa: Would be CM.
Rabri: Ex-CM.
Nitish: Who?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When they destroyed their own States…

Congress—We can destroy West Bengal.
CPM—We will destroy West Bengal.
Mamata—I have destroyed West Bengal.

2011: I’ll be India’s worst Chief Minister—Mamata.
2012: No me—Akhilesh.
2013: Me—Kejri.
2015: I wanna join—Nitish.

Kejri is 2020…
Here is a list of my 1000 achievements!
Voter: But none of these have happened!
Kejri: It’s not my fault. 500 didn’t happen because of Modi, 300 due to Jang and 200 due to Bassi.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The #OddEvenKejriwal

On odd days Kejri is odd.
On even days he’s even more odd!

On Odd days Kejri appears in one channel and on Even days the other.
On Odd days Kejri avoids tackling Delhi’s real problems and on Even days he totally evades them.

Don’t worry, just about 1500 more days for ‪#‎KejriwalSarkar‬.
By 2020 they’ll call her Saint Sheila for her golden days.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru