October 2014 Status Updates

Stupid Congress question …
Bhala tera birth anniversary mera death anniversary se bada kyun?
P.S. Both happen to be Congress leaders.

Pappu to Congress workers: Write 1000 words on why we are losing elections.
Congress workers need to write just one word…

Let a hundred flowers bloom, let a hundred schools of thought contend.
West Bengal…
Let a hundred bombs blast, let a hundred schools of terror contend.

(October 31)

Great progress in recovering black money …
1. UPA: I know the list.
2. NDA: Now I know.
3. SIT: Now I know too.
4. SC: Now I also know.

Had the SC taken the black money list directly from the SIT instead of the government, then TV channels would have lost millions of news bytes.

If a Bollywood writer has an IQ of LESS than 100, then it will lead to box office collections of MORE than (Rs) 100 (crores).

(October 29)

Any Khan movie will make Rs 100 crores.
Any Modi election campaign will result in victory.

Politically correct Maharashtra headlines…
1995: Doctorate becomes CM.
2010: Engineer becomes CM.
2014: MBA becomes CM.

(October 28)

Fact 1: 2G scam was worth Rs 1.76 lakh crore.
Fact 2: Mukesh Ambani has Rs 1.4 lakh crore in white money.
Progress: In India, white money is catching up with black money.

Sena versus BJP…
Stage 1: Senior Partner?
Stage 2: Junior Partner?
Stage 3: Zero Partner?

Q: What’s the difference between the list of films in the Rs 100-crore club and the list of Bollywood’s worst films?
A: Hardly much, just 2-3 films maybe.

(October 27)

We wish you a happy smoke-free cracker dampening Diwali.
—Rain Gods of Bengaluru.

Uddhav calls BJP…
Yesterday: You are on hold…
Today: This number is busy…
Tomorrow: This number doesn’t exist…
‪#‎MahaVerdict‬ ‪#‎ShivSena‬ ‪#‎2014Polls‬

(October 22)

Mera Mukhya Mantri be-imaan,
Phir bhi mera Mukhya Mantri mahaan.
#Jaya #Laloo #Chautala

If you happily accept a corrupt CM, then you should happily accept a corrupt minister/bureaucrat/cop/official/system and happily be a victim of corruption.
#Jaya #Laloo

Q: Fill in the blanks…
India versus ___
A: Always Sri Lanka.
#IndVsWI #IndSL

(October 18)

1st ODI: WINdies.
2nd ODI: winDIES.
1st ODI: Go West Indies!
2nd ODI: Go West!

Combining both ODIs, West Indies crash from 491-8 to 45-8.
[(321-6 + 170-2) to (last 8 wickets of second ODI)].

(October 11)

Every day should be Swachata Day: Modi.
I can make every day April Fool’s Day: Pappu.

(October 10)

Narendra Modi.
Prime Minister
+ Foreign Ambassador of India
+ Brand Ambassador of BJP
+ Grand Mascot of the Right.

(October 9)

Pappu is the Leader of Opposition to all cartoonists, satirists and spoof writers.

The maximum prayers that God received in the last couple of days…
Please release my corrupt leader!

(October 8)

Mera neta beimaan,
Phir bhi mera neta mahaan.

(October 6)

Manmohan Singh’s book will be called…
Kab Tak Chup Rahunga?

I think by now Narendra Modi’s combined lifetime media coverage has crossed that received by Gandhi, Nehru and Indira.

(October 5)

Microsoft goes from Windows 8 to 10 to stress on effort to move forward.
After this it can go straight to Windows 100 to stress on effort to move forward even greatly.

(October 2)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

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