November 2015 Status Updates

I will save the world through a Status Message.
—Motto for the 2010s.

(November 30)

It’s Australia all the way…
First Test: Australia versus England.
First ODI: Australia versus England.
First Day/Night ODI: Australia versus West Indies.
First international T20: Australia versus New Zealand.
First Day/Night Test: Australia versus New Zealand.

(November 29)

Movies on Swamy’s life…
The Lone Ranger.
Main Aur Mrs Gandhi (1975-2015).

(November 27)

1. Syrian Government: Wrong.
2. Syrian Rebels: Wrong.
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
All these strikes: Wrong.
Three wrongs will finish off Syria outright.

One day they will declare…
Oh sorry! He is the universe’s typing error.

Maybe “President of Britain firm” became “Firm resident of Britain”.
‪#‎TypingError‬ ‪#‎BritishBuddhu‬

Pakistan tourism USP…
Kucch din to guzaaro Pakistan main.
Kya pata, kal ye desh ho ya na ho.
‪#‎Balochistan‬ ‪#‎PoK‬ ‪#‎RogueNation‬

Kejri’s ultimate U-turn…
Then: I will put every corrupt politician in jail.
Now: I will hug and do business with every corrupt politician

(November 27)

For India, ISI is more dangerous than ISIS.
Misguided youth support the latter.
Misguided celebrities support the former.

Bangalore’s theme song this month…
November Rain.
(But as sung by the pop group “Garbage”)

(November 22)

If nobody hates you, you’re doing something wrong.
—Dr House.
Everybody is right on Twitter.

One man’s freedom fighter is another man’s militant and another man’s terrorist and yet another man’s “victim”!

(November 20)

Shahrukh Khan and Kajol starring in Dilwale.
Sequel will be Dulhania.
Threequel will be Le Jayenge.

Whole of Bengaluru will now have to start singing…
BESCOM waale babu yahan power chala do, power chala do!

(November 10)

Mid-way through results, every TV channel showing trends from different parallel universes.

Forget Modi, even Amit Shah has more achievements than Sonia, Pappu and Kejri put together and hasn’t even got 10% of their media praise.

Opinion polls made against Modi to sway undecided voters.
Exit polls made against Modi to indulge in bashing till counting.

(November 8)

Q: Who won? ‪#‎AwardWapsi‬ or ‪#‎SammanWapsi‬?
Sir Ravindra Jadeja: My ‪#‎FormWapsi‬ of course!
‪#‎IndVsSA‬ ‪#‎Mohali‬

Tired of losing, Kohli launches ‪#‎HaarWapsi‬ campaign.
SA meanwhile successfully conclude their first ‪#‎WicketWapsi‬ campaign.
‪#‎IndVsSA‬ ‪#‎Mohali‬

(November 7)

Indian Communist Historical Research till 2014.

British wanted it.
Jinnah did it.
Mahatma allowed it.
Nehru didn’t care.

The number of schemes-institutes named after Nehru-Indira-Rajiv is 10 times more than the number of MPs the Congress has in the Lok Sabha.

Once it was called the Fifth Column.
Today it has become the Filth Column.

(November 2)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

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