January 2014 Status Updates

The spokespersons…
NDA1: Arrogant.
UPA2: More arrogant.
AAP: Most arrogant.

(January 31)

Most MPs are indeed VIPs (Very Insignificant Parliamentarians).

(January 30)

We have so so bowlers.
That’s why we need sau sau batsmen.

(January 26)

The Indian ODI bowling attack should rename itself the “300 Club”.
Any team can get that score against us.

(January 22)

Where do you stay?
Mumbai citizen: Parel.
Sanjay Dutt: Parole.

(January 21)

On the Day of January 26, Arvind Kejriwal will declare the AAP a Republic separate from India.
But when will the people of Delhi get Independence from him?

(January 20)

Nobody gets as much money just to laugh on national TV and do absolutely nothing else as does Navjot Singh Sidhu.
(How many thousands per laugh I wonder.)

(January 18)

Just a matter of time before New Delhi is declared a Republic with Kejriwal as its Supreme Leader.
Delhi Police will be replaced by AAP Army.
(P.S. Uganda no longer has Idi Amin)

BJP sells the bald combs and AAP gives them haircuts.
Because the entire nation has already torn out its hair in frustration over Congress misrule.

Why isn’t Pappu the PM candidate?
Because Sonia said for the 2,763rd time…
Beta tumse na ho paayega!
And Pappu quietly said to himself…
Mere paas ma hai!

Of course the 2014 Lok Sabha polls are a direct fight between Modi and AAP.
(Where AAP = Arvind Aur Pappu)

Alternative careers if Tharoor loses in 2014…
1. Reality show host.
2. Socialite-Playboy.
3. Aman ki Asha brand ambassador.
4. Bollywood romantic hero.

(January 17)

AAP to Binny: Aap galat hai.
AAP to Tina: Aap galat hai.
AAP to accuser: Aap galat hai.
Finally hoga ye...
2014 Voter: AAP galat hai.

Congress leader joins AAP and rubbishes AAP.
AAP blames BJP!
Atrocious Allegations Party?
(Now waiting for AAP to blame 2G/CWG on BJP.)

(January 16)

Mera Bharat mahaan, mera neta be-imaan.
Mera party mahaan, baaki sab be-imaan.

While seeking votes in south India…
We are the most honest party in India!

(January 15)

Some are born PMs (Pappu), some achieve it (Vajpayee), some have it thrust on them (Manmohan), some can only dream (Advani), some are future PMs (Modi) and some are mere spoilers (Kejriwal).

3 PM candidates in the fray…
Modi: PM candidate.
Pappu: (Failed) PM candidate.
Kejriwal: (Prevent Modi from becoming) PM candidate.

(January 12)

The biggest problem of Indian talent shows is that most of the judges have so little talent.

(January 11)

Established parties are aping AAP.
AAP is aping established parties.
Coming soon…
Voters to all: Aap/AAP to aise na the!

They should be attacking Sonia for 10 years misrule, but too busy attacking Modi.
Pappu should be attacking Modi, but he’s too busy attacking the Congress.

AAP without Communist Manifesto.
Congress without dynasty.
BJP without NaMo.
Then I wouldn’t know who to vote for!

(January 10)

2008: Aamir creates 100 crore club.
–>Salman takes two years to catch up.
2009: Aamir creates 200 crore club.
–>Shahrukh takes four years to catch up.
2013: Aamir creates worldwide 500 crore club.

(January 8)

All politicians are useless.
Those that don’t appear so just haven’t been given enough of a chance.

1943: Kismet creates Rs 1 Crore Club.
1975: Sholay creates Rs 10 Crore Club.
2008: Ghajini creates Rs 100 Crore Club.
(Upgrade every 30 odd years)

(January 6)

It should be called the thrASHES.
One side always thrashes the other badly and it’s rarely an even-sided contest.

(January 4)

The ABCD of the Congress…
Arrogance. Bolshevism. Corruption. Dynasty.

(January 3)

1977: Opposition unites to attack Congress.
1989: Opposition unites to attack Congress.
2014: Congress, non-BJP Opposition unites to attack Modi.

(January 2)

January 1, 2014: VirbhadraGate blows up, ChopperGate deal cancelled…
Looks like just another Scammy New Year for the Congress!

If Uday Chopra dies at the beginning of Dhoom 4, then it will make 500 crores.
All of India will want to attend that on-screen funeral.

The August presence of Agusta is no longer required.

Dabangg 2.
Dhoom 3.
The “No logic” Triple Khan Rs 100 Crore Club Trilogy.

January 1: Happy New Year.
January 3: Pappu New Heir (To the Prime Minister’s chair!)?

Manmohan: Majorly accidental PM.
Pappu: Making him PM would be a major accident.

Do shoonya gyaarah main hi taya ho gaya tha ki ye sarkar 2014 main nau do gyaarah ho jaayegi.

TV viewer: Aap ko naya saal mubarak.
TV coverage: AAP ko naya saal mubarak.

(January 1)

© Sunil Rajguru

Leave a Reply