December 2015 Status Updates

1947-2014—Years of Tolerance (As we tolerated ‪#‎AdarshLiberals‬).
2015—Year of Intolerance (As we finally refused to tolerate them).

Aap kitna bhi wish kar lo par 2016 main Pappu, Kejri, Akhilesh, Lalu aur Mamata nahin sudharne waale hai!

(December 31)

West Punjab became Punjab.
East Punjab became Punjab.
East Bengal became East Pakistan.
East Pakistan became Bangladesh.
West Bengal remains West Bengal.

(December 26)

Always Bush vs Bill…
1992: Bush I loses to Bill Clinton.
2000: Bush II beats Bill’s deputy.
2016: Bush III can’t even compete with Bill’s wife.

(December 24)

If a tennis player thrashes someone 6-0 6-0 in 25 minutes, is it the court’s problem or the loser’s?
Why blame the Nagpur pitch if South Africans played crap?

(December 22)

Dilwale Box Office Le Jaayenge.
Par Bajrangi Bhaijaan Aur Prem Ratan Jyaada Dhan Payo.

You may have heard of 2-minute noodles.
Well Miss Columbia was a 2-minute Miss Universe.

New opening strategy…
Gambhir, tu Jaitley ko defend kar aur Sehwag, tu unke opponents ko attack kar!

(December 21)

Indian selector…
Ashish Nehra ko retire karwana
+ Rohit Sharma ko drop karna
mushkil hi nahin, naamumkin hai.

(December 19)

Dear celebrity,
If you think that the number of trolls is greater than the number of genuine users then maybe you are the actual troll.

(December 17)

3 Principles of Pakistani foreign policy…
1. Hate India.
2. Do whatever America says.
3. That’s it.

It is nothing but the union of Union Carbide and DuPont with zero justice to the victims of the Bhopal Gas Tragedy.

Ek fighter jet ki keemat tum kya jaano Erdogan Babu!
—Vladimir Putin in “No Shanti No”.
‪#‎RussiaTurkeyCrisis‬ ‪#‎ISIS‬

(December 4)

South Africa continues to show supreme intolerance to Rohit Sharma’s immense talent.
‪#‎IndvsSA‬ ‪#‎4thTest‬

(December 3)

The money spent on all these climate conferences is probably 10 times greater than all money spent on flood relief.
‪#‎COP21‬ ‪#‎TamilNaduRains‬

No results in 5 days = Problem.
Result in 3 days = Problem.
Green pitches = Problem.
Crumbling pitches = Problem.
Dead pitches = Problem.

(December 2)

#‎SaveWhitefield‬ (from traffic)
‪#‎SaveBengaluru‬ (from garbage and power woes)
‪#‎SaveKarnataka‬ (from plummeting governance)

Indo-Pak heads of State have met a million times.
Yet when they meet for the one million and first time, go ballistic by praising or rubbishing the meet.

(December 1)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

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