Short Takes December 2010

• Durban Boast…
South African batsmen can’t play on fast South African pitches. India can!
Bring on the green tops, baby!

First Innings ka Bhagwan Sehwag.
Last Innings ka Bhagwan Laxman.
Baaki sab beech main…

Laxman’s Theme, Blowin’ in the Wind…
How many times must a man bail out his team, before you call him The Man?
The answer my friend is in the Second Innings, the answer is in the Second innings.

• Zak Zaps. Bhajji Fries. Sree Scuttles. Laxman’s our Luck. Fundu Fielding. Mahi’s the Way!

• Quietly Jairam Ramesh is emerging as India’s No. 1 Environmentalist. The rest mainly criticize and slogan-shout.

• The losing team should get the Ashes because that’s what they have become…

(December 29)

SA Scorecard: Alvida Petersen. Gone Smith. Hashim ka Amalette. Jacques Khalaas. AB de Villain. Prince is Pauper. Dale Steyned. Fall Harris. Gone-re! Morkel. SoSoWent Tsotsobe. Boucher’s Team Butchered!

• Hussey ki taisi! Aussies in Hughes trouble.
England Trotts on, Cooks Aussie goose.
India bloodsteyned beyond redemption…

• 2010 was a great year for revelations, cynicism, reporters, cartoonists, punsters, status messages, uncertainities, middlemen…

(December 27)

• Reading Minds.
Steve Waugh. 98/10! Main akela ye dus ke barabar hu.
Shane Warne. 157/0! Main akela ye bowling attack ke barabar hu!

• Instead of, it should be Twitter.oc where oc=over capacity

• Indian Avatar Banta Claus has distributed his goodies to Modi, Kalmadi, Raja… Sorry, nothing left for you this Christmas, not even onions!

• Traumatized by all the controversies of all the alphabets around it (2G, CWG, BSY, NDTV, ED, CBI…) ISRO GSLV GSAT-5P goes bust…

• An American Raja would get mimimum 40 years in jail.
An Indian Raja gets just 9 hours CBI detention.

(December 25)

• India, not America, is the land of opportunity. You can make billions out of anything: Onions, animal fodder, revenue stamps, empty air (synonym spectrum), games, government schemes…

• BJP’s war cry…
Onion marks, get set go!

• Come Sachin fans, if you have the guts!
Try contradicting the following…
Rajnikant is greater than Sachin!

• Suppressing Cyberspace = Pressing a spring. Some time back Barkha sued a tiny blogger to shut up. Today there are millions of comments against her on blogs, Twitter, Facebook, groups… even news sites. Major rebound!

• Even, if we accept Sachin over Bradman, what next?
Is he greater than Pele or Federer?
It ends with the Mahatma or Einstein?
Oh, I forgot… There’s God!

• If Assange got all the corrupt files of all Indian politicians, then forget WikiLeaks, the Whole World Wide Web would crash with the load!

(December 23)

• Who says onions make you cry?
They’re making the BJP laugh!
In fact, they expect to laugh all the way to the votebank!

• Recently Obama-Wen-Medvedev-Sarkozy inked deals worth $65billion!
Translated, it means scams worth $65bn are on your way from 2011 onwards!

• Every year in India, traffic is disrupted thrice a year.
1. During the monsoons.
2. During the fog.
3. During the annual Gujjar agitation.

• Is it a Tech & Geek show?
Is it a Musical?
Is it a Spy Serial?
No! It’s Phineas & Ferb! (Addictive for adults too!)

• Typical Political Merry Go Round
Cong, you’re corrupt. But BJP is corrupt!
Laloo you failed. But Nitish hasn’t fully succeeded!
Mamata, you have no policies. But Left policies have failed!
DMK, you’re corrupt. But ADMK is corrupt!

• If the PM is Caeser’s wife, then who’s Caeser? Importantly, who’s Nero? Someone is sure fiddling while Rome, sorry New Delhi, is burning.

(December 22)

• Congress: We are secular, they are communal.
BJP: We may be communal, but they are pseudo-secular.
The Truth: They are all communal.

• Cong is getting so arrogant despite the unending scams that I won’t be surprised if the BJP comes to power in 2014 no matter who leads them.

• Bad ole days are here again.
Kee phraka painda ki India match haara, ek zabardast world record to bana!!!

• Message from God…
On this day, God wants you to know…
that he did not send rain in Centurion today because the 1st inning batting was so spineless and you’ll have to do much better that this if you really want to be called world champions…

• Poor ole me suffers from loudspeakers.
Industrialist Capt Gopinath suffers loud music from nearby pubs.
There is equality in the land!

• Sonia to BJP: We are clean at the national level because you are corrupt at the state level.
Common citizen: WTF!

• Sure! Modi is Hitler. BJP are Nazis. Rahul is the Mahatma. Sonia is Mother Teresa. And the Congress never indulged in communal violence!

(December 21)

Pachas Maar Khan

• Congress-speak.
Sonia: You still don’t want to hear her talk.
Rahul: You’re scared of what he’ll say next.
Manmohan: You don’t hear him.
Digvijay: When will he shut up?

• Wanted a reality show Kaun Banega Neta? Tasks: Lying, fudging, bribing, ability to fool, divert attention. Winner gets Rajya Sabha seat.

• Ashes Wars. The Empire Strikes Back. Return of the Hussey.

• Unsolvable Riddle: Who is more out of touch with the Indian reality? Arundhati Roy or Rahul Gandhi?

• Beware of the Indian Collapso Rule: 5 Indian wickets can fall for 10 runs on any pitch at any time for any rhyme or reason from any position.

(December 19)

• Nice to know that Uncle Sam finally has a Big Brother. His name is Julian Assange. He’s always watching. He’ll always be hated.

• 136-10. 136-0. India is strange. She can be all four seasons in one match…

Hamam main sab nanga,
Spectrum main sab changa,
Kahe ye tapes ka danga?
Jaldi sab padega thanda!

• Wright: No Test series victories with Kiwis.
Chappell: None against Aussies.
Kirsten: SA bogey?
Same Country Coach Test Curse?

• The pitch was totally flat.
But Kirsten forgot to tell the boys in the morning meeting.
Smith got hold of this key info and put India in…

Mere do anmol Ratan, ek hai Radia aur ek hai Raja…

• In the 2G scam, we’ve shot the messengers (Radia and Barkha) and ignored the message (Corrupt politicians, industrialists, shady deals…)

• Come to think of it, Niira Radia and Barkha Dutt are Red Herrings. What about the many political & industrial bigwigs? They aren’t squirming

(December 18)

• Say Tata to Singur, Nano Honeymoon, Kalinganagar Goodwill, Burma Democracy, Bhopal Sympathy, Dhamra Port-Lake Natron Ecosystems and now Personal Integrity over the Radia Tapes… Last 5 years: We also make controversies!
• Indian batsmen are exciting: The lively pitch wakes up to watch.
SA batsmen are boring. When they bat, the pitch goes to sleep…

• Whenever the Indian cricket team crashes, Indian humour goes up.
Mujhe joke maarne ka shauk nahin hai, joke maarta hu gham bhulaane ko...

(December 17)
• Raghupaty Radia Raja Ram,
Kaise kaise khulaase hey bhagwan!

• Before Raja was made minister, no-one knew him. Before the tapes were out, no-one knew Radia. Now I know what Fear of the Unknown means.

• Pat-down security officials at international airports should be exclusively women. Men wouldn’t mind it and women wouldn’t complain.

• Beer Beer na raha,
bus drinks pakadte raha gaya…

Jodi of the Year: Julian Assange-Niira Radia for their glorious leaks, shaking the foundations of power in the world and India respectively.

(December 16)

• President of Federal Republic of Facebook licks Rebel President Against Every Republic to be the (virulently Pro-US) Time Person of the Year.

• Facebook Flaw: If you allow tagging & I put up a pix of a donkey & tag you, then the donkey will show up as the 1st pix on your profile…

(December 15)

Ek taraf 1.76lakh crore Doosri taraf 1000 snoop tapes Beech main kisiko koi khabar nahin ki kisne kitne paise kaise khaye Show me the money!

(December 14)

• I was taught that journalistic writing should be simple and conversational. Today, raw backroom conversations are becoming news. Success?

• I bet secretly many top editors are actually jealous of Niira Radia…

(December 12)

• Foreign Media: WikiLeaks.

Indian Media: LickyWeaks.• Assange: Help save me from the WikiLeaks backlash.

Indian journos: Help, save us from the RadiaLeaks!• RadiaTapes victims:
Sandese aate hai, hame tadpate hain,
ki gaddi kab chhodoge, yahi sab poochte hai…

· Bhajji a Test batsman. Yuvi an ODI bowler. Gambhir India’s most successful (ODI win-loss ratio) captain. Aussies are rubbish on home soil. Lanka can’t beat Windies in their own backyard. Next is what? But I’m loving the change! (Only Pak cricket consistently continues to be in the doldrums)

(December 11)

· WikiPakiFakeeeLeakeee…

· After going south in the 1st Test, Aussies refuse to go with North in the 2nd, look to Beer in desperation along with Hughes expectations…

· Who’s line is it anyway? Celebrities simply RT on Twitter and media passes it off as an original quote! 6:13 PM Dec 9th via

(December 9)

· Paap ka ghada bhar gaya hai. Aap bas filaal overflowing drops ko dekh rahe ho…

· Dark and Stormy Night? Bangalore’s cliche is Cold and Damp Evening.

(December 6)

· Lots of editors have far bigger skeletons in the cupboard than Radia’s chit-chat. Funny to hear them mouth big moral platitudes every day.

(December 5)

· Ye UN permanent seat mil bhi jaye to kya hai?

· If Modi gets a clean chit, then a mini-industry within the media will collapse.

(December 4)

· When politicians are caught, journalists debate that they should go. When journalists are caught, they debate that they should debate…

· Barkha Defence Verdict: Tum itna jo chilla rahe ho, kya guilt hai jisko chhupa rahe ho…

· Osama is sulking. He’s been demoted to Enemy No. 2. Meanwhile Julian Assange goes into hiding. Will the US find him? Is Pak involved? Is…

· An empty mind is a devil’s workshop. A full mind is a Facebook workshop. Therefore, Facebook is the opposite of devil…

· B.D. jalaile…

· Politician, Industrialist, Journalist… Integrity gaya tel lene, aish tu kar…

(December 2)

· Politicians-Journos-Corporates-PR… all are cosy in India. Radia tapes ek jhaaki bhi nahin hai… kaahe sab pareshan ho rahe hai?

(December 1)

© Sunil Rajguru

One thought on “Short Takes December 2010

  1. Pingback: J Gopi Krishnan, Journalist, on Radia tape controversy Part 2 |

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