Nehru-Gandhi dynasty musings…

I doubt there can ever be a Pappu Wave even within the Congress party.

Jab tak sooraj chaand rahega,
Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty bhaarat ko barbaad karega.

Anyone who thinks that only a PM’s son should be PM believes in both the caste system and eugenics.

Looking at his lineage, Pappu is probably the most secular politician in India.
Pity he has absolutely no other credentials.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Every day is a sonday 9…

Precious spit…
One day he was speaking very excitedly and some of his spit fell on my hands.
When I said it was bad manners he pointed angrily at my hand and said, “The DNA of that spit is 50% yourself and 50% the woman you love, so why are you complaining?”

The loooong weekend…
“What will you do if you could time travel?”
“Hmm, I’d wear a shiny silvery suit, go back thousands of years and descend from a helicopter and declare: I am God. I created the world in one day and rested for six days.”
“What good would that do?”
“Why then, maybe the working week would last one day and we’d have a 6-day weekend!”

Civics classes…
He loves using big words and phrases. “Techincally” and “practically” are his favourites.
Sometimes if we tell him to do something he doesn’t like, he quips: I think that’s against my fundamental rights.
His classic was once when he was told to a lot of work and he said: I would call that “child labour” and since I’m below 14, it’s against the Constitution.
Now I never thought of those things when I studied Civics in school!

© Sunil Rajguru

Every day is a Sonday 8…

∙ When I told him the US was involved in the Afghanistan war, he was aghast.
“But didn’t Obama get the Nobel Prize for Peace?”
“So is he allowed to do that?
“Then he might as well attach his Nobel Peace medal to a Cruise missile and send it to Afghanistan!

∙ Once I was having trouble explaining how America is the most powerful country in the world.
He asked, “Is it so powerful that it can get hold of any country and tell it to commit suicide?”

∙ His cyber jargon is everywhere. I asked him why he hadn’t gone for a bath yet when he said, “The water is still loading.” (The bucket was still filling with water)

∙ When I couldn’t get the gift he wanted on the day of his birthday, I promised to get a small gift that day and his actual one later.
He was very pleased and then looked worried.
He asked, “I hope this is not what they call Corruption!”

∙ His idea of a “political” joke…
He flew a plane and said, “It’s not going high.”
Then he wrote something on it and threw it and it went pretty high.
“Guess what I wrote,” he asked and showed me the plane.
He had written “Petrol prices” on both sides.

∙ At times it is very difficult to react to their absolutely nonsensical statements…
Once when I was discussing Shakespeare, he commented, “Shakespeare was a punk. Everyone writes better than him nowadays.”
I have absolutely no idea where children get such ideas from nowadays.

∙ Whenever he does something without our permission, he says that he is doing it “illegally”.

∙ It was tough watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button with him.
He demanded to know the exact physical and mental age of Brad Pitt at the beginning of every new scene.

∙ Once while discussing the future of civil aviation, my son commented that in 2100, Indian planes would be like passenger trains, stopping at every city and there would be vendors yelling “chai chai” in the aisles.

∙ Me: When I was of your age, I used to eat less than half the amount of chocolates you eat.
Him: That’s nothing, when I’ll be of your age, I won’t be eating chocolates at all!

© Sunil Rajguru

Every day is a Sonday 7…

∙ He says that his body clock is probably set according to a US time zone and not the Indian one.
That’s why he’s so hyperactive late in the night and lethargic in the classroom during the day!

∙ Nowadays when he’s done something bad, he demands that I shout at him in advance, so that he can tell me what wrong he’s done and why in peace without worrying about the consequences.

∙ Once he said, “Mujhe lobia ka gaana sun-na hai.”
(Lobia in Hindi=Black Eyed Peas in English)
(Or how Cool becomes Uncool)

∙ Once the menu for dinner was simple a dal-chawal.
He sighed and said, “Kya 1947 ka khaana khila rahe ho!”
When I asked him what he meant by that, he said, “I’m sure that when Mahatma Gandhi came home in that year, his wife must have fed him something like this.”

∙ Everything has to be said grandly.
Once he refused to do something because it was forbidden by his mother.
He declared, “It is against the Laws of Mamma!”

∙ “One of these days I’m going to hack into your website and go crazy there!”
Sigh, threats aren’t what they used to be!

© Sunil Rajguru

Every day is a Sonday 6…

∙ Sick and tired of hearing about problems with Pakistan and China, my nine-year-old son asks if India can declare independence from Asia and become an island once again as it was millions of years ago.

∙ When he’s optimistic about tomorrow, he uses the term “Bright side of the future”. Pessimistic: “Dark side of the future”.

∙ He prepared an airport with his blocks, tracks, toy planes and cars. At the end of it, he said, “OK now to organize for sponsorship before the inauguration,” and promptly sat down sketching billboard ads on a sheet of paper.
Then he held a plane in his hand and asked “Can you check from the window which direction the wind is blowing?” When I asked why, I was told that the plane always had to land or take off against the wind, something I had only explained to him some time back.
Talk about simple kid games!

∙ Children nowadays seem to be aware of all developments relevant to them. I don’t believe in Credit Cards so I always get away from buying anything for him off the Internet. One day, when I came home he promptly informed me that from now on I had no excuses for Web purchases as Flipkart accepted cash on delivery!


∙ You have to agree.
I can’t. For then both of us would be wrong!

∙ How was school today?
The whole class was in a state of shock!
The class teacher changed today.

∙ Can I use your cap?
You won’t be angry?
Great! I used it last week! Thanks!

∙ How soon will a spaceship reach Proxima Centauri if it travels at 10,000 times the speed of light?
But you can’t travel faster than the speed of light.
Says who? Haven’t you heard? Einstein is no longer right.
(Funnily, he seems to forget most of the things he reads in his text books, but nothing from newspapers or news channels.)

© Sunil Rajguru

Every day is a Sonday 5…

∙ After watching Novak Djokovic win in the 2011 Wimbledon men’s singles and Mahesh Bhupathi and partner lose in the mixed doubles, my 9-year-old son put forward a demand for a “Mixed Singles”.
“What’s that? It’s not even possible,” I dismissed him.
He replied, “Simple. One half of the draw will be male and the other half will be female. I want to see boys versus girls at the international level!”

∙ Once India needed 1 run off 60 balls to win.
“So India will win 100%?” he asked.
“100%!” I replied.
To which he said, “So can you say that the match is “fixed” at this stage?”

∙ Once when I was feeling really angry, he told me to watch the kid’s cartoon Shinchan.
“Watching Shinchan will give you such a headache that you will forget your anger!”

∙ While rolling down the glass of the car door he says, “I’m downloading the windows.” It’s uploading when they are being rolled up. The Internet generation I guess!

∙ My wife has caught on to him.
Once she was scrubbing his face real hard while cleaning it and he yelled, “God! Help me! Where are you?”
To that she replied, “Don’t worry he’s around somewhere and this time he’s on my side!”

© Sunil Rajguru