Virat “King Kohli” musings…

cricket-players-2027502_640Foreign intellectuals will soon start an ‪#‎AwardWapsiCampaign‬ to protest Kohli’s Rising Intolerance against all bowlers in all formats.

When it comes to Kohli, MC-BC now stands for…
Master Chaser-Boss of the Chase.

Kohli ko chase main harana mushkil hi nahin, namumkin hai.
Iska hal gaayra mulko ki coaching departments khoj kar rahi hai.

Q: What do you think of ‪#‎GharWapsi‬?
Kohli: Yes I love it. First we sent the Pakistanis home and then the Aussies. I want to do the same with the Windies.

Phone call: Can I speak to xyz Indian batsman?
Answer: Woh abhi batting pe gaye hai. Noodles chadha do. Boil ho jaayenge, tab tak wapis aa jaayenge.
Phone call: Can I speak to Kohli?
Answer: Woh abhi batting karne gaye hai. Kucch ghante baad jab India ki jeet ke phatake phootenge, matlab woh free ho gaye. Tab call karna.

Kohli to Australia…
Aisa hai bhai, aap logon ne ODI World Cups kuch had se jyaada hi jeete hai. Ab hum tumhe T20 World Cups nahin jeetne denge.

Rohit: Poori innings ya to main kheloonga ya tu.
Kohli: Chal hat. Is maamle main, main thoda selfish hu.

Australia in first 4 overs = 53 runs.
India in last 4.1 overs = 59 runs.
Tu great starter, to main greater finisher.
—Sri Sri Kohli Baba.

And Dhoni too…

Ashes to ashes,
And dust to dust,
If Kohli don’t get you,
Dhoni must.

Umpire: Line belongs to me.
Dhoni: Last over belongs to me.
Kohli: BC. MC. Poora inning mera.

Indian batting…
Body: Kohli.
Tail: Dhoni.
Yaane ki Indian batting ki umar hai itni sanam,
Kohli se shuru aur Dhoni se khatam.

Brangelina se dumdaar jodi hai Dhonikohli.

Smith wins the toss, elects to bat. Dhoni, you disappointed.
Dhoni: Thanks Steve! Kohli will anchor the chase and I’ll hit the winning shot.

Steve Waugh could do mental disintegration over a period of five days.
MS Dhoni can do that in one ball.

Chase main koi double century bhi maarega phir bhi winning shot main hi maarunga.
—Sri Sri Dhoni Baba.

Lethal jodi…
Kohli takes single and Dhoni comes on strike.
Bowler apna sar patakta hai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Sinking Congressi musings…

Congress money tanks were always flush when in Opposition.
For the first time taps in danger of running dry.

Congress: How could you dismiss Uttarakhand Government? This is murder of democracy!
Modi: Abhi to party shuru hui hai!
Ye toh bas shuruwaat hai.
Baad main na kahana kuch bhi.
Pahale hi de doon warning!

Shashi Tharoor…
Would be United Nations Secretary General.
To Minister of State.
To Kanhaiya’s spokesperson.
What a fall!

Go figure…
Student joins campus in non-BJP State.
Joins Communist politics, quits in frustration.
Commits suicide when Modi is PM.
Verdict: Modi’s fault!

Forget the Congress, President’s Rule has been implemented around 75 times just when the Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty was incharge.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#AdarshLiberals musings…

What #AdarshLiberals want…
New post of undisputed Monarch: Sonia.
President: Kejri.
Prime Minister: Pappu.
Home Minister: Lalu.
Foreign Minister: Mamata.
Education Minister: Kanhaiya.
Information & Broadcasting Minister: Diggy Raja.

Very high water guzzlers…
Meat industry.
Washing machines.
Western flushes.
Highest water guzzler for ‪#‎AdarshLiberals‬ who consume all three…

JNU sedition rally and Hyderabad student violence is not shocking.
Shocking is how all this has been raging on unchecked for decades now.

It costs a lot of money to keep the Modi Hate Industry alive.
By keeping quiet and ignoring them, he’s bleeding them financially.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

MS Dhoni musings…

Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost!
—Bollywood ka Baadshah.
Last over abhi baaki hai mere dost!
—Cricket ka Baadshah.

March schedule…
19th: Bura na maano, Kohli hain.
23rd: Bura na maano, Dhoni hain.
24th: Bura na maano, Holi hain.
‪#‎2016T20WC‬ ‪#‎HappyHoli‬

Dhoni: Aaj kuch toofani karte hai!
Kohli: Last ball Victory 6?
Dhoni: Yaar woh bahut kar chuka hu.
How about last ball Victory Run Out?

The film “M.S. Dhoni: The Untold Story” should actually be called “Jo Jeeta Wohi Mahendra”.

Andheri raat ke baad teen din ki chandni…
Overs 1-19.3: Pathetic fielding.
19.4: Good catch.
19.5: Great catch.
19.6: Brilliant run out.

Before India used to panic.
Now Dhoni induces panic in the opposition.

Hardik Patel ko mila jail.
Hardik Pandya ne diya Team India ko bail.
‪#‎IndVsBan‬ ‪#‎2016T20WC‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

And Communists still walk amongst us…

1848: Communism is Panacea.
1917: Conquers Russia.
1948: Conquers China.
Post World War 2: Conquers East Europe.
1978: China partially junks it.
1991: Collapses in Russia and East Europe.

Anyone believing in Communism in 1848 was an idealist.
Anyone believing in Communism in 1948 was an optimist.
Anyone believing in Communism in 1992 was an idiot.
Anyone believing in Communism in 2016 is totally beyond comprehension of any kind of logic.

It makes more sense to believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

© Sunil Rajguru

#IndVsPak #T20WC2016 musings…

Sharjah is a fixed Harjah for India versus Pakistan.
World Cup is a mobile Harjah for Pakistan versus India.

Very soon Kohli, Yuvi, Raina etc will do a Mauka Mauka ad to hit the winning shot which always seems to go to Dhoni.

Keep calm!
Kohli will rebuild the innings.
Dhoni will hit the winning shot.

Dhoni aur winning shot.
Kamaal ki jodi.
Fevicol ki jodi.
Tootegi nahin.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru