Differing priorities…

I will electrify every village: Goyal.

I will save every stranded foreign national: Sushma.

I will build road in every corner: Gadkari.

I will put every textbook online for free: Smriti.

I will solve every Railways problem: Prabhu.

I will blame everything on Modi: Kejri.

I will cover and magnify every little goof-up of Modi: Senior editor.

I will blame every little nonsensical thing on Modi: #AdarshLiberal.

© Sunil Rajguru

When Narendra met Nawaz…

Modi: Hum Pakistani Army se bahut pareshaan hai.
Nawaz: Kya batau? Main tujh se jyaada Pakistani Army se pareshaan hu!

Pappu reads headline: Modi-Sharif discuss ties.
Goes ballistic and says: Ye hai suit-boot-tie ki sarkaar!

2013: Yet another Bad Corruption Day.
2014: Good Governance Day.
2015: Good Diplomacy Day.

Sharif—Pakistan International Airlines.
Modi—Pakistan India Afghanistan in one day.

December 25 birthdays…
Christ. Newton.
Malaviya. Vajpayee.
Jinnah. Sharif.

How the conversation should have gone…
Mani—We will have peace if you remove Modi.
Retort—Actually we will now definitely have peace.
Retort—Because jokers like you have already been removed.

Today the headline of the Times of India Front Page Lead has 33 words.
I wonder if this is a new record.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The most hated politician marches on…

Indian media attacks Modi.
Foreign media attacks Modi.
Civil Society attacks Modi.
Opposition leaders attack Modi.
BJP leaders attack Modi.
Modi must be fully made of Teflon by now.

2002: Will lose Gujarat.
2007: Will lose Gujarat.
2013: Won’t get PM candidate.
2014: Won’t win India.
Jokers already predicting how he’ll lose 2019.

Overheard somewhere…
JAS quarter Intolerance ka tha.
OND Vendetta pe gaya.
Ab batao JFM quarter ka kya agenda hai bhai?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejribhai nautanki hi karte raha jaayenge…

In 1990-95 itself Lalu was exposed as a fraud.
Yet he got re-elected in 1995, 2000 and 2015.
Kejri has an extremely bright future.

123456th piece of AAP irony…
Kejri calls Modi psychopath.
Waves finger threateningly. Blasts Jaitley.
Modi keeps quiet, Jaitley quietly goes to court.
Kejri: जेटली जी हमें डराने की कोशिश ना करें!

Jethmalani defends smugglers, scamsters and murderers.
Now he is defending Kejri.
But no connection between the above.

Modi ne darake Kejri ko Lalu ke paas bheja.
Jaitley ne darake Kejri ko Jethmalani ke paas bheja.
So much climate of fear!

Modi solving power India problems.
Goyal solving power problems.
Sushma solving foreign problems.
Gadkari solving infrastructure problems.
Aur Kejri tu?
Kejri: Yaar saare problems solve karenge to kaisa hoga? I am creating all the problems!

New #OddEven formula…
On Odd days Kejri will virulently attack Modi.
On Even days he will request his and Centre’s help to run Delhi smoothly.

Kejri is part of the Modi Hate Industry.
All media-parties that hate Modi give him great bhaav and he survives.

Kejriwal is an Odd character who’ll get Even with the citizens of Delhi even though they’ve voted for him.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Some political musings…

Party-wise reaction to rebels…
AAP: Bouncers lao! Baahar nikalo!
Congress: Ghulam bagaawat pe utar aaya hai!
BJP: Ignore karo! All Izz Well! All Izz Well!

Number of seats in Lok Sabha…
BJP-Congress-AAP: 280-45-4.
If you took media coverage seriously you’d think it was 4-45-280.

“I am the law”…

1. Dredd.
2. Arnab.
3. Sonia.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru