Latest Modi political musings…

Head of most populous nation: Xi.
Head of largest democracy: Modi.
Head of sole superpower: Obama.
Head of largest religion: Pope.
All together together in one place.
What’s cooking?

Top 5 scams of Manmohan…
1. 2G.
2. Coalgate.
3. CWG.
4. Cash for votes.
5. AugustaWestland.
Top 5 scams of Modi…
1. ‪#‎ArnabGate‬.
2. Name on suit.
3. Rs 10 lakh suit.
4. Louis Vuitton shawl.
5. Crying in front of Zuckerberg.

Level 1: Congress spokespersons fighting with anonymous trolls.
Level 2: Sambit Patra blasting absentee Pappu.
Level 3: Sushma trashing Sonia in Lok Sabha.
Level 4: Modi relaxing with his tanhai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Raj karega Pappu musings…

Astrologer to Sonia…
Your son will be super famous and get more coverage than Nehru, Indira, Rajiv and you put together!
Word count of Pappu jokes exceeds the media coverage of Nehru, Indira, Rajiv and Sonia put together.

The man who writes Pappu’s speeches should get the Lifetime Buffoonery Award.
(Either that or the Bharat Ratna for preventing Pappu from becoming Prime Minister)

When Pappu is made President of Congress, he’ll still remain VP.
(VP = Vacationing President)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The doomed Left-Right debate in India…

A rabid Left-wing anchor will pack the TV panel debate with 9 rabid Left-wing panellists. The sole Right-wing panellist will be introduced as “Right-wing” thereby falsely implying that it is a debate of 1 Right-winger and 9 neutral individuals. While by rights Right-wing debate should get 50% of the time, the sole Right-winger will get far less than even the 10% he could be getting, being interrupted a 100 times. If he protests loudly and gets good support from social media, then the entire Right wing will be dismissed as rabid, loud, alarmist, violent and unreasonable. All the while the question will be asked, “Why isn’t there a single rational and intellectual voice among the Right wing?” India is a secular sovereign democratic Republic, but the so called liberal/secular/intellectual voice of India is in fact Communist, communal and virulently intolerant.

© Sunil Rajguru

Gandhi Gandhi musings…

Gandhi brand mascots…
Mahatma: Khadi industry.
Rajiv: Scam industry.
Pappu: Humour industry.

Mahatma Gandhi.
Indira Gandhi.
Rajiv Gandhi.
One-thirds of India is probably named after this Gandhi Troika.

Congress has a 20-year-plan ready…
2019: Pappu PM candidate.
2024: Pappini PM candidate.
2029: Vadra PM candidate.
2034: Pappini’s eldest kid PM candidate.

Acche din came for the Dynasty in 1919 when Motilal became Congress President.
They will celebrate Acche Din Centenary in 2019.
(Even out of power they generally enjoy life)

Sonia and Laloo in competition for Worst Politician Ever.
Among senior editors both in competition for Most Admired Politician Ever.

Deewar 2015…
Vijay: Tere paas kya hai?
Ravi: Mere paas ma hai!
Pappu: Abbe, har insaan ke paas ma hai!

Citizen: Aapne sabko pahanaya topi
Pappu: Theek hai, ab pahanaunga sabko dhoti.

Pappu of “Got the boot sarkar” blasts suit-boot ki sarkar.

Congress and allies campaigning till 2009…
Mera Bharat Mahaan.
Campaigning 2013 onwards…
Tera Modi Be-imaan.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Indian politicians: What they say and what they mean…

What he said—Capitalism will keep the poor poor.
What he meant—Pseudo-Communism will also keep the poor poor, but at least it will give me unlimited powers.

What she said—India is under attack, I will impose Emergency.
What she meant—Indira is under attack, I will impose Emergency.

What he said—I am innocent in Bofors and HDW.
What he meant—You will never ever be able to prove me guilty in Bofors and HDW.

VP Singh…
What he said—I will save India from Rajiv.
What he meant—I will save my political career from Rajiv’s wrath.

LK Advani…
What he said—India needs this Rath Yatra.
What he meant—BJP needs this Vote Yatra.

What she said—Food Bill and NREGA will convert poverty into prosperity.
What she meant—Food Bill and NREGA will convert poverty into votes.

What he said—I did nothing.
What he meant—I did nothing and merely watched when my Ministers looted the nation.

What he said—I will introduce the Right To Education.
What he meant—I will introduce Reservation In Majority Community Private Schools.

What she said—I will rid West Bengal of Communism.
What she meant—I will rid West Bengal of Mild Communism (CPM) and replace it with Hardline Communism (Trinamool).

What he said—I will fight to be change the system.
What he meant—I simply am fighting to be part of the system.

Laloo + Nitish…
What they said—We are uniting all secular forces.
What they meant—We are totally bankrupt of ideas but this is the only way we can fight Modi now.

Mainstream media…
What they said—Modi is guilty, Fascist, dictator, pro-rich, snooper, failure, egomaniac, only PR, blah blah blah…
What they meant—Modi gives us no bhaav while Sonia used to take care of our many needs!

© Sunil Rajguru

Media versus Modi or Media versus citizens of India?

Media—Modi will never ever be PM.

May 2014…
India—Balls to you. We are making him PM.

Media—Modi is actually all hype.

Maharashtra-Haryana—Balls to you. We are still voting for him.

Media—Modi still has no achievements.

Jharkhand-J&K—Balls to you. We are still voting for him.

January-July 2015…
Media—Modi has done nothing. Sushma is corrupt. Vasundhara is corrupt.

Madhya Pradesh-Rajasthan— Balls to you. We are still voting for him.
(And by the way Vasundhara is CM of Rajasthan and Sushma is MP from Madhya Pradesh. Also BJP wins BBMP polls in Bengaluru where it hasn’t done much.)

Media—Modi has totally failed.
<Watch this space. You know what happens next!>

(Note: Only exception is the State of New Delhi which has an abnormally high percentage of politicians, journalists, activists, bureaucrats, government officials and black money crorepatis.)

© Sunil Rajguru