Telangana musings…

In school: 22 states, 173 countries, 18 Jupiter satellites, 9 planets.
Now: 29 States, 206 countries, 120 Jupiter satellites, 8 planets.
Bechara ek Pluto hi underachiever nikla.

Q: What about Telangana-AP’s water division?
A: Don’t worry, voter division has been done.

Telangana decision explained…
United we stand (to lose Lok Sabha seats).
Divided we fall (so low and yet pick up the new State’s seats).

Instructions to Congress top brass…
Governance gaya tel lene, jab ghar aana, Telangana hi le ki hi aana, bhale hi saare India ke statehood demands pe bhi tel lagana.

The Congress is putting a huge amount of votes in the Votebank.
But it should note that like banks, even Votebanks can crash.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

States bantate chalo…

borders-2099205_640Please sing to the tune of Pyar bantate chalo from the movie Hum Sab Ustad Hain

(Reference: Andhra Pradesh to be bifurcated.)

Ho States bantate chalo, States bantate chalo,
Hey States bantate chalo, States bantate chalo,
Kya South ke, kya North ke, ye sab hain ready for katai,
States bantate chalo, States bantate chalo,
Hey, States bantate chalo, States bantate chalo.

Kaatna hai Centre kee nishanee, yeh buzurgo kaa kehana hai yaaro,
Ek hi saaj ke tar hain sab, par hamko mil jul ke rahna nahin hai yaaro,
Kaatna hai Centre kee nishanee, yeh buzurgo kaa kehana hai yaaro,
Ek hee saaj ke taar hain sab, hamko aur taare jodte rahana hai yaaro,
Hey socho kal kitne kam States the, dekho ab kitne hai,
Sabko le doobegi ye kaantne ki ladai,
States bantate chalo, States bantate chalo,
Hey States bantate chalo, States bantate chalo.

Telangana ye hai to Seemandhra tum ho, ye hai Bihar to Jharkhand tum ho,
Naam kuchh ho magar ye naa bhulo, sab se pahale to political victim tum ho,
Telangana ye hai to Seemandhra tum ho, ye hai Bihar to Jharkhand tum ho,
Naam kuchh ho magar ye naa bhulo, sab se pahale to political victim tum ho,
Hey bache hue States, kal ke liye tayyaar raho,
Tum se aur regional leaders kya kya ummeede hain lagi,
States bantate chalo, States bantate chalo…

This spoof by Sunil Rajguru

(Original song: Pyar bantate chalo.
Film: Hum Sab Ustad Hain.
Year: 1965.)

BJP-Congress musings of the day…

No matter how much you shift the Poverty Line, the poor will neither notice nor care.

If the BJP comes to power in 2014, it would be of the Congress’ own doing.
Pappu will then pop the question…
BJP kaun laya?

PM stands for Passively Mute.
MMS stands for Multi-Million Scams.

Like watching a B-grade Bollywood movie with Raj Babbar as the villain, Pappu as the comedian, Diggy Raja as the bitchy gossipy Saas and MMS as the well-meaning Uncle who does nothing!

Political roadmap for India…
Turn Right.
Keep straight.
Make sure you make no more Left turns.

Raj Babbar: Rs 12 main aap pet bhar ke khaa sakte hai.
A: Rs 12 main to aapke bete ka film dekhte waqt ek mutthi bhar popcorn bhi nahin milega!

The sad truth…
Janata Dal: With 46 LS seats, I lasted nearly 2 years.
Congress: With 145 seats I lasted the full term.
BJP: With 161 seats I lasted 13 days!

If the BJP gets extinct after losing in 2014, then it will be a tragedy for even BJP-haters as India will enter a more hardline phase of Congress “dictatorship”.

We are friendly: Chidu.
(Section 66A. Water cannons. Protestors are “Maoists”. Inflation. Grim economy. Megascams. Angry allies. Arrogant spokespersons…)
We will be friendlier in 2014: Chidu.
Be afraid. Be very afraid!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The politics of death in India…

In this country, some martyrs are totally forgotten, others made martyrs to play political games.

Somewhere thousands of deaths are swept under the carpet; somewhere a death gets millions and millions of news bytes.

Millions die of hunger and millions die of an extra-rich diet.

A dead man can be officially alive and a living man can be officially dead.

Even a womb that gives life can be a brutal killing field in secret.

A death may be dubbed secular or communal even though a death is a death is a death.

Some person who has been dead for ages may be chargesheeted while another given the Bharat Ratna.

© Sunil Rajguru

10 things you can do if UPA3 comes to power in 2014…

1. Emigrate.

2. Commit suicide.

3. Demand that the BJP be banned permanently to avoid any future false hopes.

4. Demand that Modi be exiled for the sake of future peace.

5. Declare democracy dead, call ourselves a monarchy and abolish General Elections.

6. Spend like crazy. Money will soon become worthless anyway. Enjoy your last days.

7. Call him Mahatma Pappu, the official Father of the Nation.

8. Start and watch only 24X7 Diggy Raja TV. Anything anyone else says is worthless anyway in this regime.

9. Put pictures of the dynasty in your house and worship them.

10. Do away with Bills, let everything be decided via Ordinance. Why waste time debating the inevitable?

© Sunil Rajguru

Some political musings…

Running in the Planning Commission for goodness knows how many years…
Bhaag Gareebi Rekha Bhaag!

Mumbai: Babbar Jodi=2 two boiled eggs.
Delhi: Masood meal=Half a handful of groundnuts.
Kashmir: Farooq meal=Waiter laughs in your face for 1 minute and goes. You give him Re 1 for his performance.

Would be PMs…
Most dynamic: Netaji.
Solidest: Patel.
“Right” economist: Rajaji.
Fairest/most balanced: Rajendra Prasad.
We got: Nehru.

Bollywood: Khullam khulla pyar karenge hum dono…
Politics: Khullam khulla scams, nepotism, favouritism aur arrogance karenge hum sab logon…

BJP has always been its own worst enemy.
Right now Congress is its own worst enemy.
2014 will be won by the one who can sink the least.

Paanch Ek Baarah waale kripaya Nau Do Gyaaraah ho jaeeye.

Total turnaround…
1. (Anna) Hazare se acchi hai uski khaamoshi.
2. AAPke khalayat Diggy Raja se kitne milte julte hai. (‪#‎Batla‬)

I can understand the BJP attempting a ‪#‎Mission272‬.
But why is the Congress behaving like it’s aiming for a MissionBelow100?

Manmohan Singh’s biggest achievement is that he has emerged as a lasting brand for mute, passive and ineffective leadership.

In 2004 the BJP were sure of winning.
In 2009 the BJP were sure of winning.
In 2014 the BJP are sure of winning.
So will it be déjà vu or third time lucky?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru