· Katju: How are you?
Katju: (Mumbles something).
Sanjay: Pardon me?
Katju: Sure! Right on it!
Sanjay: That’s not what I meant!
(March 28 )
· Bible: Love thy neighbour.
IPL Bible: Ban they neighbour.
(First Pak, now Lanka)
· Looks like the Aakash Tablet is being Zameened (Grounded).
· To be a criminal in India…
Tough to convict politicians.
Tough to hang terrorists.
Tough not to pardon film stars.
Tough to try foreigners.
Tough to nail rapists in court.
· The real message…
Modi: When I become PM, this is what I will do.
Nitish: Whoever becomes PM, please help Bihar.
· Of late in India, Faking News has greater relevance than Breaking News, while the UnReal Times seems much more real than all the Real Times.
(March 18 )
· “Hazaaron jawabon se acchi hai meri khamoshi.”
Problem isn’t the khaamoshi PM sahaab, but that there are hazaaron sawaal on your rule in the first place!
· Ajinkya Rahane will soon make a record for most Tests watched from the Bench.
· Team India: The Aussie team is in such disarray, that we could beat them in 4 days flat!
Weather: Challenge accepted!
· Ayub Khan: Lost 1965 War.
Yahya Khan: Lost 1971 War.
Zia-ul-Haq: Lost Siachen.
Pervez Musharraf: Lost Kargil.
Pakistan: Only country where qualification for a dictator is to lose a war with India.
· The Italian Marines left on a One Way Ticket.
Now if only someone else would go there permanently on a Half Ticket.
· How the PM-Prez probably fight…
PM: Tu rubber stamp President!
Prez: Tu rubber stamp PM!
· PreCrime: Arrest a person before he commits crime. (Fiction: Minority Report)
PreHanging: Hang a person before the trial. (Fact: Ram Singh)
· The media focus camera…
Modi’s faults: Zoom in, zoom in!!!
Modi’s successes: Zoom out, zoom out!!!
Congress: Just the other way round.
· Future Quote: First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you become PM: Narendra Modi.
· People disillusioned with the BJP: Advani.
We are opposite. Congress is an illusion: Rahul.
· Till the 19th century, women couldn’t vote, couldn’t be big businessmen while most of the careers were totally closed to them. They even had to have 10 children if their husbands deemed so.
The 20th century changed that totally. It should be called the Women’s Century.
Now here’s hoping that the 21st Century brings Total Equality.
Here’s not wishing for a Women’s Day, but a Women’s Century!
(March 8 )
· India is a bipolar country. Debate is dead. People of conflicting viewpoints just yell and scream at each other.
· If MMS is a night watchman, then Rahul is the over-hyped tail-ender who’s yet to come.
· There is only one Freedom of Speech guaranteed in India today.
Freedom of Hate Speech against Modi.
· Tata to launch airlines with ad jingle aimed at Congress…
Jo mera hai woh tera nahin hai…
· 2013: Tata to launch commercial airline!
(Now wait, isn’t that a 1932 headline?)
· Pre-1947: We need a Freedom Struggle.
Post-2009: We need a Freedom of Speech Struggle.
· If government ads were fully withdrawn, then both the economics and politics of Indian mainstream media would see drastic changes.
· Sushilkumar Sine die (Since his brains are adjourned sine die).
· Tamil Nadu: Congressfree for 46 years. WB: 36 years. Sikkim: 29 years. UP-Guj-Bihar: 24 years…
2014: Make India Congressfree Year.
· Ravindra Jadeja and Rohit Sharma must be the most talked about cricketers in the history of cricket for things other than their achievements.
© Sunil Rajguru