Monthly Archives: January 2013

Vishwaroopam musings…

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· Krishna to Arjun: Come I’ll show you my Vishwaroopa.
Kamal Haasan to Tamil Nadu: Come I’ll show you my Vishwaroopam.
Jaya: Hold it right there, you’re no Krishna!

· Instead of saying “Jai ho!” Kamal Haasan will have to start singing “Jaya ho!”

· A Tamil superstar’s film can be released anywhere in the world except Tamil Nadu.
An Indian-born writer can travel anywhere in the world except India.

· Too much democracy in India: Every citizen is becoming a Censor Board, moral policeman, judge and jury.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

If the Congress had their way…

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…the Kumbh Mela would be declared the biggest terrorist camp in the whole world.

…they would revert to a Monarchy and declare Sonia Empress.

…all TV channels save Doordarshan would be banned.

…all TV debates would feature only Congress spokespersons.

…the BJP would be declared a terrorist organization.

…they would clone multiple Rahuls to energize the whole country.

…Gujarat would be declared a breakaway country because of Modi.

…Section 66A would apply to the offline world too.

…Section 144 would apply to the whole country.

…the word “corruption” itself would be banned.

…it would be illegal to even have a Twitter or Facebook account.

…the CBI would be renamed the Congress’ Bureau of Investigation.

…Anna Hazare would be force-fed rich food all the time.

…Arvind Kejriwal would be force-fed mangoes all day.

© Sunil Rajguru

How India actually votes in the general elections…

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1951, 57, 62: Let’s vote for Nehru.

1967: Let’s give Indira a chance.

1971: Indira rocks! Let’s vote for her again.

1977: Indira is so arrogant. Let’s just vote against her.

1980: Indira wasn’t so bad after all. Let’s vote for her again.

1984: Indira is gone. Poor Rajiv. Let’s give him a chance.

1989: Rajiv is so arrogant. Let’s just vote against him.

1991: Poor Rajiv went. Let’s vote for Congress.

1996: What, no dynasty? No vote for Congress.

1998, 99: Actually, Sonia is still inexperienced. Let’s not vote for her just yet.

2004: Ah! Sonia is experienced now. Let’s vote for her.

2009: Sonia has done such a decent job. Let’s vote for her again.

2014: Let’s give Rahul a chance.

© Sunil Rajguru

More Rahul Gandhi prime ministerial musings…

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· Nehru: 1947. Indira: 1966. Rajiv: 1984. Sonia: 2004.
A new dynasty member comes to power roughly every 19 years.
So here’s hoping Rahul comes not before 2023!

· Rahul Gandhi cannot even hope to be be the greatest Rahul ever.
(Dravid and RD Burman fans may agree.)

· Some said that Rahul Gandhi’s speech was his Obama moment.
Let him become PM and then he’ll have more George W Bush moments than Bush himself.

· Rahul Gandhi will definitely save the Congress. 100%.
That he will destroy India is another matter altogether.

· An Abhishek Bachchan movie, 2004: After 15 flops, he finally delivers a hit!
A Rahul Gandhi speech, 2013: After 15 flops, he finally delivers a hit!
P.S. You only get one chance in life, unless you’re part of an Indian dynasty.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Rahul Gandhi prime ministerial musings…

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∙ Rahul Gandhi: The man with Zero achievements, a Thousand speeches, a Million sycophants and who’ll one day rule a Billion lives.

∙ Rahul Gandhi could not be made “working” President because for that, he would actually have to “work”.

∙ Ae mere watan ke logon,
zara aakho main bhar lo paani,
desh shaheed hoga ab to,
kyu ki Rahul banega pradhan mantri.

∙ After 1991: Rahul was virtually No. 2.
When Sonia entered politics: Practically No. 2.
After 2004: Unofficially No. 2.
Now he’s officially No. 2.
So many promotions to stay in the same place!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

In my next life, I want to be reborn as…

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…a pigeon, so I could crap on everyone and everything whenever I want.

…a tiger, so I could sleep for 20 hours a day and work for only 4 hours.

…a cat, so I could lick myself all day and not give a damn about anyone.

…a dog, so I could unconditionally love one person for life.

…a shark, then the Jaws theme music would be my lunch tune.

…a panda, so I could sit around and eat all day non-stop doing nothing else.

…a tortoise and take life real slow and easy.

…a rabbit and reproduce like crazy.

…Great Basin Bristlecone Pine and live for a few thousand years.

…a mosquito and live on blood like a vampire.

© Sunil Rajguru