Twisted nursery rhymes suitable for Corruption…

Baa Baa, Black Sheep
Bah! Bah! Black money, have you any bribes?
Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full.
One for the minister, one for his aide,
and one for the official who needs it again and again.

Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush
Here we go round the Lokpal bush,
The Lokpal bush,
The Lokpal bush.
Here we go round the Lokpal bush,
On each and every morning.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,
Catch the corrupt politician by the toe.
When he screams let him go,
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

Humpty Dumpty
Congress Credibility sat on a wall,
Congress Credibility had a great fall.
All the queen’s Sibals and all the queen’s Diggys,
Couldn’t put Credibility together again.

It’s Raining, It’s Pouring
It’s raining scams; it’s pouring scams.
Old man Manmohan is snoring.
He went to bed and bumped his head,
And he couldn’t get up in the morning.

Jack and Jill
Diggy and Kapil went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of supporters.
Diggy fell down and broke his crown,
And Kapil came tumbling after.

Hickory Dickory Dock
Hickory, dickory, dock,
The Baba ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
The Baba jumped down,
Hickory, dickory, dock.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Some Congressi definitions…

Fascism: A system led by a dictator like Anna Hazare having complete power, forcibly suppressing government and its corrupt ministers, regimenting all protests, agitations, etc., and emphasizing an aggressive sense of national pride by demanding an end to black money.

Thug: A professional arm-twister who strangles the government with his unrealistic demands like Baba Ramdev.

Anti-corruption agitator: Another name for an RSS agitator. Do you think the Congress government is corrupt? Then you have got to be an RSS sympathizer. Are you agitating against corruption? Ha! The mukhauta (mask) is off, you are definitely an RSS activist!

Corruption: Something that has dropped on the Congress unfortunately and unavoidably like pigeon shit. Hey! We are the white kurtas and not the pigeons!

Lokpal Bill: An unfortunate and unavoidable situation arising out of the pigeon shit as mentioned above.

Freedom of speech: Something which is guaranteed only to one and only one citizen in India out of the 1 odd billion, namely Mr Digvijay Singh.

Sibal Society: The true white and pure efforts of the Congress government. Its opposite is Civil Society.

Mr India: Manmohan Singh. Not because he is saving India like the famous Anil Kapoor movie, but because he is invisible.

Police State: Refers only to the states controlled by Narendra Modi and Mayawati. Since Baba Ramdev is a fascist thug leading thousands of RSS activists, he got what was coming to him just like Osama. In the process we have also proved that we are a superpower like US. Osama and Baba are two sides of the same coin.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Overheard 5…

* First Congressman: I am afraid what will happen if the financial irregularity charges against Baba Ramdev will prove to be false. We will be in a really tight spot indeed.
Second Congressman: I am more worried if the charges are found true and he is indeed corrupt. Then he has a bright political future and could become a formidable opponent!

* Political leader (to himself): I am not feeling well today…
To his wife: …I think I will keep a fast today.
Somewhere in an eavesdropping police control room: We have an offender! All forces move in immediately to…

* First Better: So how’s business?
Second Better: It’s booming!
First Better: How come? People are actually following the India-West Indies tour?
Second Better: No man, it’s this whole Lokpal tamasha… Will the Lokpal Bill come or not? Will Baba or Anna keep a fast? Betting is most uncertain in this new business!

* Madam: I think you should learn to control your talk.
Diggy: But Madam! Rahul has promised that I’ll be his chief advisor when he becomes PM! We are just getting in sync with each other…

* Anna: Pata nahin, aaj kal bhookh hi nahin lagti!

* Karuna: Bah! Lokpal. PM. Anna. Baba. Maran. Bah! Nobody is worried about my poor little daughter. What a poor ole man am I!

© Sunil Rajguru

Anti-corruption drive then and now…

Then: Can we eradicate corruption?
Now: Can we eradicate Baba and Anna?

Then: Hey Ram!
Now: Hey Ramdev!

Then: Baba is the right choice baby.
Now: Baba is not only right, but far right and RSS.

Lokpal Bill
Then: Will it be able to end corruption?
Now: Will it ever see the light of day?

Diggy Raja
Then: Anna RSS hai.
Now: Baba RSS hai.

The corrupt of India…
Then: LOL!
Now: LOL!

The citizens of India…
Then: Aayega, aayega, aayega Lokpal ek din aayega…
Now: Aayega, aayega, aayega Lokpal ek din aayega…

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Really bad Diggy Raja PJs…

∙ Many years back, Diggy Raja lost his voice.
Then he became the world’s first recipient of a foot-for-tongue transplant.
God forgive him for he knows not what he says!

∙ The protestors are RSS…
Baba is RSS…
Anna is RSS…
The shoe hurler is RSS…
This is RSS…
That is RSS…
The only RSS with relation to Diggy Raja stands for “Really Stupid Statements”!

∙ Diggy Raja is a great fan of Goebbels.
Goebbels once said something to the effect of…
If you repeat a lie a hundred times it becomes a truth. The greater the lie, the greater chance it has of becoming a greater truth.
The Diggy Raja remixed version…
If you say a hundred stupid statements a hundred times, they still remain stupid statements, but atleast the speaker feels smart!
The more stupider the statement, the greater the sense of smartness.
(Now you know why Diggy Raja feels chuffed all the time)

© Sunil Rajguru

Raavan Raj at Ram Lila grounds…

Recently Baba Ramdev was removed from the Ram Lila grounds in New Delhi over the Lokpal agitation issue…

Some musings on the issue…

∙ Old slogan: Sonia nahi ye aandhi hai, doosri Indira Gandhi hai.
New Slogan: Satyagrahi nahin ye atyachari hai, doosri Emergency hai…

Ab to bas Congress se corruption free atmosphere ke liye bheek hi maangna padega…
Ek Lok Pal Bill Anna ke naam pe dede re Baba!

∙ This is how Mahatma Gandhi became famous and the British Empire collapsed.
Doesn’t the Congress Empire know its history?

∙ Baba Ramdev probably got his millionth video byte on Indian TV news.
Jitni shaurat zindagi bhar Yoga se nahin mili hogi, us-se dugni anshan aur arrest se mil gayi!

∙ Is Manmohan Singh going to appoint a Propaganda Minister?
Digvijay Singh seems to be the perfect Goebbels.

∙ Police action was effected late after midnight to avoid banner headlines in the newspapers.
Somehow the government forgot about the news channels and Internet.

∙ Yesterday: Lokpal Wars.
Today: The Corrupt Empire Strikes Back.
Tomorrow: Return of the Satyagrahi?

Waise ye Lokpal Bill hain kya? Ab main bhool gaya hu. Bas Anna Baba ki kahani ban ke raha gayi hai…

© Sunil Rajguru