Let him cast the first stone…

They were all about to pelt stones in Parliament…

Then Prophet Sibal came and said, “He that is without corruption among you, let him cast the first stone…”

They all stopped and said “What the hell” and started throwing stones at Sibal himself…

…and Sibal went on the backfoot and Raja went to jail and licenses were cancelled and the PM squirmed and there finally was a JPC probe and…

Moral of the story: There are no morals in politics. So why do some politicians talk, sermonize and preach so much?

© Sunil Rajguru

The biggest blank cheque in the world…

This is what the biggest blank cheque in the world looks like…

Recipient: Pakistan.

Payee: United States of America.

Bank: Federal Reserve.

Signatory: US President.

Purpose: To fight terror.

Funds actually used for: 1. Sustaining the lifestyles of the rich and famous in Pakistan. 2. Building nukes that may one day be used against America. 3. Funding the war of terror against India.

Linked Accounts: Swiss.

Validity: Decades old and still counting…

© Sunil Rajguru

Latest Pak match-fixing scorecard…

Shahid Afridi: Refused to bat

Salman Butt (c): Out Caught, 10 years

Mohammad Asif: Out Caught, 7 years

Mohammad Amir: Out Caught, 5 years

Yasir Hameed: Not Out

Zulqarnain Haider: Timed Out, as he left the field

Yet to Bat & Third Umpire Review Pending: Will be revealed in 2011, 2012, 2013…

Opposition: British media

Team Manager: Mazhar Majeed

Brand New Umpire: ICC

This Version by Sunil Rajguru

India’s corruption pyramid…

India has a very elaborate corruption pyramid.

At the very bottom is the largest base: All those millions of corrupt people. From the top politicians with their fancy Swiss bank accounts, down to the peon who’ll take a few notes to make sure you meet the babu.

At the second level are the people you think are corrupt. Whispers surround them, but by and large they lead nice corrupt and peaceful lives for life.

At the third level are people who stand exposed. At the local level everyone knows about them. Complaints have been made to no avail. At the national level, they are the stars of 24X7 news channels.

At the fourth level are those who are actually arrested. Yes, the pyramid is really getting narrower now.

At Stage 5 are parked those arrested corrupt entities who have charge sheets filed against them and actually appear in front of a judge.

Level 6: Long-drawn cases and in the unlikely event of a verdict, appeal and movement to a higher court.

Level 7: Bingo! A corrupt official is actually convicted and goes out to serve his full sentence.
(Of course, if you think 8-10 years in a furnished prison cell with mobiles and TV is enough for swindling thousands of crores, then it’s a success. The concerned person is free to retire to Switzerland to spend comfortable last days there.)
I’m sure there must at least be one really corrupt national politician at the top of this pyramid, though I somehow can’t seem to recall him or her right now.

(P.S. Congratulations former telecom minister Mr Andimuthu Raja, for whizzing from Levels 1 to 4 in a matter of years. Now is the time to relax and maybe retire, for you may be stuck in this level for life! Even the next two levels aren’t that bad, though.)

© Sunil Rajguru

Modern Indian history, according to Rahul beta…

Pre-1947: Motilal Nehru was a great freedom fighter.

1947-64: Pardada is PM.

1964-66: Somebody is PM.

1966-75: Dadi is PM.

1975-77: Chachu running the country the way he wants to.

1977-80: India on Emergency Mode.

1980-84: Dadi is PM again.

1984-89: Papa is PM.

1989-91: Papa is not PM.

1991-98: Mamma is in the wilderness.

1998-Now: Mamma is president of the Congress (India’s most important post).

© Sunil Rajguru

The state of political advisors in India…

Recently, the Chief Minister of Karnataka has been in a spot of bother, seeking advice from his inner circle…

First Advisor: Step down for the good of the party.

Second Advisor: Make sure you and your near ones stay away from all land deals.

Third Advisor: We have a great array of legal options. Don’t worry!

Astrological Advisor: People are doing black magic against you. Do a Suryanamaskar in the buff to counter all that.

CM: What perfect sense my astrological advisor makes! All the others talk such downright nonsense!

© Sunil Rajguru