Indian political similes…

…as proud as Maya and her statues

…as spoilt as Mamata and her tantrums

…as unfulfilled as Advani and his dreams

…as stale as the Left and its government in Bengal

…as high-profile as Raj Thackeray and his miniscule achievements

…as low-key as Manmohan and his style of governance

…as destructive as Laloo and his Bihar rule

…as murky as cricket and its political patrons

…as huge as a politician’s black wealth

…as hopeless an Indian leader’s vision

…as blind as an Indian voter’s vote

…as brazen as a corrupt politician’s defence

…as ineffective as an Indian government scheme

…as opportunistic as Pawar and his tie-ups

…as two-faced as Vajpayee and his political life

…as fleeting as Deve Gowda’s prime ministerial stint

…as anonymous as Gujral’s prime ministerial stint

…as diplomatic as Amar Singh and his network

…as bankrupt as an Indian leader’s idea bank

…as fiery as a communal speech

…as enigmatic as Sonia and her mind

…as lasting as the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

5 drastic astronomy upgrades since I was in school…

It’s a very Moony system, you know
Did you know that both Saturn and Jupiter have more than 60 moons each? More are being discovered all the time. In addition, Saturn has 150 moonlets. Uranus has 27 moons and Neptune more than a dozen (the number Saturn/Jupiter was once supposed to have).
(What has poor ole Earth done to deserve just a solitary moon?)

A billion planets out there and we’re stuck on this one
So far 450+ extrasolar planets have been discovered (outside our solar system). Scientists estimate that there are more than a billion planets in our galaxy alone!
(With so many possible planets, a big Boo! to all those experts who claim that there is no chance of life elsewhere.)

Our sun may have a Nemesis…
The Nemesis Star Hypothesis states that a smaller star/sun (brown/red dwarf) may be circling the sun, making our solar system a binary star system!
(Two Suns, Two Lives, Two Loves, Two Chances, Two Gods…)

From 9th to almost Lakhon main ek
While everyone knows that Pluto has been downgraded, did you know that it is now merely a Kuiper Belt Object (KBO)? One estimate says that there are 70,000 KBOs of more than 100kms diameter! Plus Pluto is not even independent, but part of a binary system with Charon. And its new name is 134340 Pluto.
(Whatever made Pluto think that it could be a planet? It sure fooled us for 75 years!)

A humongous cloud where comets are born
Have you heard of the Oort Cloud? It’s far beyond the Kuiper Belt. That’s where comets are born. Large objects are pushed from this place to become comets with a tail as they come near the sun. How many objects are there which are larger than 1km? Trillions!
90377 Sedna, a potential Dwarf Planet may live here.
(Mujhe nahin maloom tha ki Hailey’s Comet ke itne saare bhai hai.)

Parting Shot: So the true picture of our solar system is four inner planets, followed by the Asteroid Belt with thousands of objects, followed by four outer planets with hundreds of moons and moonlets, followed by the Kuiper Belt with tens of thousands of objects, followed by the Oort Cloud with trillions of objects, followed by maybe another sun.
We are also surrounded by trillions of stars in the universe with billions of planets and millions of Black Holes.

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 19

• I’ve just completed another revolution around the Sun. Is that cause for celebration? Hum yuhi suraj ke chakkar kat-te rahate hain zindagi bhar aur khush rahate hain. Rotation + Revolution = Illusion that you are progressing meaningfully.

• They say that God makes someone for everyone. In India, there are 944 females for every 1000 males. Does that mean there’s no-one for 56 males out of every 1000? Or is that some kind of Gay indicator?

• When India loses miserably and they show the subsequent Highlights, shouldn’t they be called Lowlights instead?

• There’s a gastronomical gap in my life. My stomach can never keep up with my mouth.

• Don’t worry too much about your roots. You always carry them with you and can plant them wherever you want.

• If you take morning walks in India with a “Sar utha ke jio” attitude, then you’re sure to step on dog poop and other dirt or trip over something.

© Sunil Rajguru

Overheard 3…

2008: Kasab should be hanged.
2009: Will Kasab be hanged?
2010: Kasab will be hanged!
2011: Will Kasab really be hanged?
2012-2020: When will Kasab be hanged?
2021-Onwards: I don’t think Kasab will ever be hanged.

Mamata: Tata!
Buddha: Don’t raise old issues. That’s dead in Bengal and gone to Gujarat.
Mamata: Who’s talking of Ratan or Singur? Me and the State are saying tata to you and your party!

Caller: Regarding the IPL…
Pawar: What’s that?
Caller: The Indian Premier League…
Pawar: Never heard of it!
Caller: But you set it up, you’re the cricket badshah…
Pawar: The ICC has nothing to do with other boards and leagues.
Caller: But Modi said…
Pawar: I have no truck with Narendra Modi.
Caller: I give up.
Supriya: See! I told you it’s so easy!

© Sunil Rajguru

Status Updates May 2010

· Success = 3 Timely Good Hot Meals + 1 Good Night’s Sleep (Every Day)

(May 25)

· It’s high time India, Pak built an Imaginary Wall: No talks, no ties, no trade, no nothing… politicians can’t do a thing… one day the people will themselves tear down the wall… till then stop wasting time…

· When 1 billion people take more than 10-20 years to hang a single person, it’s time to abolish the death penalty.

· Looks like Mamata has Left the Railways. God save us passengers!

· The Terrorist bans Life. The Pak Govt bans Virtual Life. Acchi jugalbandi hain!

· Modi & Modi. Politics & Cricket. Top Performers. Top Targets. Top Hates. Best & Worst together. What would we do without them?

· Pak fan’s diary: Pak maintains 100% victory record in 2010 too. Won 60% matches. Out of 40% matches lost, all were fixed.

(May 22)

· India and Pak are best of friends and believe in sharing! Apart from a shared heritage and culture, they also share Kashmir, bullets and terrorism…

(May 20)

· Unusual marriage vows: Do you Sunanda give up your IPL team? I do! … Do you Shashi give up your Govt Ministry? I do!

· Aman ki Asha = Chaman ki Bhasha.

· Newscast: Here is today’s news, weather, stock quotes and the latest Facebook Privacy settings.

· Facebook is a big fan of Heraclitus, who said: Nothing is permanent except change. That’s why they keep changing Privacy Settings every day.

(May 19)

· Is tiring a bit of T20. It’s like a long Bollywood movie. Can’t wait for International T10. That’ll be more like a Hollywood thriller!

· Rain rain don’t go away,
and still come again another day,
keep at it if you may,
I never believed in making hay…

· Brevity is the soul of wit. Lengthy is the soul of a twit. (Reference: Lalit Modi’s 15000 page reply)

· Saving (Un)Private Facebook

· High time they had parties, tamasha, bollywood stars, hype, team cheerleaders… in world cups and Tests. That’s the only hope of being taken seriously by Indian players.

· Next group to target Modi. Environmentalists. 15000 pages of paper in a paperless era, I tell you! How many trees did he butcher?

(May 16)

· Old Age Saying: The Joke’s on you. New Age Saying: The Joke’s your deputy.
(Courtesy: David Cameron)

(May 13)

· The grass is always greener on the other side = The ball is always shorter on the other side of Indian Cricket.

(May 12)

· I admire people like Shashi Tharoor and Jairam Ramesh. They challenge the absolutely “Fake Public Consensus” that India is steeped in.

(May 11)

© Sunil Rajguru