Tag Archives: bollywood

The very versatile Mr Akshay Kumar…

Posted on by
Reply

Bollywood superstar has played a really wide variety of on screen roles.
Just check them out…

God (OMG – Oh My God!)

Gigolo (Desi Boyz)

Sexually harassed victim (Aitraaz)

Blind robber (Aankhen)

Counter terrorism expert (Baby, Holiday: A Soldier Is Never Off Duty)

Mixed martial artist (Brothers)

International wrestler (Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi)

Heist specialist (Special 26)

Dissociative Identity Disorder (Housefull 3)

Psychiatrist treating Dissociative Identity Disorder patient (Bhool Bhulaiyaa)

Manservant (De Dana Dan)

Vegetable cutter (Chandni Chowk to China)

Don (Once Upon ay Time in Mumbai Dobaara!, International Khiladi)

Businessman vigilante (Boss)

Ageing international cricketer (Patiala House)

Panauti (Housefull)

Auto rickshaw driver (Insan)

Sikh (Singh is King, Singh is Bliing)

Saviour businessman (Airlift)

Evil scientist (2.0)

Corruption crusader (Gabbar is Back)

Corrupt constructor (Khatta Meetha)

Tainted naval officer (Rustom)

Army officer (Sainik, Ab Tumhare Hawale Watan Saathiyo)

Private detective (Thank You)

International con man (Tees Maar Khan)

Hollywood stuntman (Kambakkht Ishq)

With supernatural powers (8 x 10 Tasveer)

Nerd (Jaan-E-Mann)

Automobile engineer (Humko Deewana Kar Gaye)

Pilot (Aarzoo)

Impersonator (Aflatoon)

Most repetitive…
Police officer (Khakee, Main Khiladi Tu Anari, Mohra, Khiladi 786, Aan: Men at Work, Police Force: An Inside Story, Daava, Insaaf, Paandav, Tarazu, Angaaray, Meri Biwi Ka Jawaab Nahin, Ashaant, Mr Bond)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#UdtaPunjab musings…

Posted on by
Reply

Shahid Kapoor visited Punjab as a squeaky clean kid in 2007 (Jab We Met) but returned as a hardened drug addict in 2016 (‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬).

Punjab Problem (Udta Punjab)
Kashmir Problem (Haider)
Mumbai Riots, Kargil, 9/11, Godhra (Mausam)
Match-fixing, drugs (Kaminey)
Education problem (Paathshaala)
‪#‎ShahidKapoor‬

#‎UdtaPunjab‬ is a catchy name and a catchier hashtag.
Multiple Twitterstorms were inevitable.

“Adult with Caution” films at red light areas!
What next?
Red Light Mall Multiplexes?
‪#‎CensorBoardRevamp‬

Superheroes, aliens and spaceships are more real, believable and relevant than drugs, sex and nudity—hence we’ll pass the former.
‪#‎CensorBoard‬

Fact is stranger than fiction.
—Anonymous.
Fiction can’t be based on strange facts.
—Censor Board.
‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬

Drug problem is there.
India is corrupt and racist.
Gays are in large numbers.
Sex exists.
So, reality can’t be shown in fiction?

Censor board: Please replace Punjab with a fictitious land.
(The problem is that their image of Punjab itself is fictitious!)

Anurag Kashyap now has the unique record of having a film banned under Vajpayee, MMS and Modi.
Guess which made most noise?
‪#‎Paanch‬ ‪#‎BlackFriday‬ ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬

#‎UdtaPunjabVerdict‬
Shahid Kapoor
+ Kareena Kapoor
+ Alia Bhatt
+ Anurag Kashyap
+ Ekta Kapoor
+ Diljit Dosanjh
thrash Pahlaj Nihalani

The fact.
Every Censor Board since Independence has sucked.
The spin.
It started with Nihalani.
Modi hired Nihalani.
It’s Modi’s fault.

Gokul Shankar banned under Nehru.
Aandhi banned under Indira.
Pati Parmeshwar banned under Rajiv.
Black Friday banned under MMS.
Stop behaving as if it’s something new!

Time is right to make a film on the crazy chain of events in the ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ controversy.

Too many jokers are supporting ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ for all the wrong reasons.

Kejriwal is unhappy.
He doesn’t get a chance to waste an evening and review ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ for his Punjab voters.
Hence the attacks.

Above an “A” certification, just put a “Danger” certification and just go ahead and release the film as it is!

Reminder…
Censor Board was formed under Nehru.
It had a non-filmi ignoramus under Manmohan.
It has always been a problem.
But now it is finally being revamped under Shyam Benegal.

2004: ‪#‎AnuragKashyap‬’s Black Friday ready for release.
2007: Finally released by SC after censor ban.
2016: Delay in ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ makes India North Korea.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Indian filmi musings…

Posted on by
Reply

Very soon we will need an underground film circuit where films can be screened without censor interference.
‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ to ‪#‎NahinUdtaPunjab‬

2016 in a parallel universe for India domestic Box Office…
Hollywood film No. 1 nearing 200 crore ‪#‎JungleBook‬
Film on Gulf War second biggest hit ‪#‎Airlift‬
SRK film couldn’t even do 100 crore ‪#‎Fan‬
Sonam acted well for realistic superhit ‪#‎Neerja‬

Think it over…
A film starring Kareena Kapoor, Diljit Dosanjh, Shahid Kapoor and Alia Bhatt has been banned.
‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ to ‪#‎NahinUdtaPunjab‬

Maybe India’s censor board itself should be permanently censored.
‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ to ‪#‎NahinUdtaPunjab‬

Shouldn’t the hashtag be ‪#‎NahinUdtaPunjab‬ instead of ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

April 2016 Status Updates

Posted on by
Reply

Top 3 films by Box Office in 2016 so far…
3rd: SRK film.
2nd: Akshay film.
1st: Chaddi pahan ke phool khila hai…

(April 24)

Domestically a superstar just needs half his film’s cost from domestic Box Office.
Rest will come from global BO, TV, music, promotional etc rights for a tidy profit.

(April 22)

Pakistan…
1947-58: Democracy.
1958-71: Dictatorship.
1971-78: Democracy.
1978-88: Dictatorship.
1988-99: Democracy.
1999-2008: Dictatorship.
2008-__: Democracy.
Coup inevitable before 2020?

(April 21)

Film reviews of Bollywood superstars…
Great/very good/good/average = 5 stars.
Below average/bad/pathetic = 4 stars.
All time disaster = 3 stars.

(April 20)

Raina means night.
That’s why he performs well in Day-Night matches and especially IPL.
That’s why he was a flop in Tests, which is played only in the day.

(April 10)

Kanhaiya must be commended for coming out with a huge “Bharat Mata Ki Jai” revolution all across India.

(April 8)

Pakistan in 2016 says peace process with India is now suspended.
Incorrect.
It suspended the peace process in 1947 itself immediately after being born.

J&K Dy CM to NIT students…
In order to check whether your security is adequate or not, I cannot come because my security is not adequate.

A movie on the political situation of Bihar would be called Jungle (Raj) Book and it would get an A certification.

(April 7)

Then…
They don’t need bread. Let them go eat cake!
Now…
They don’t need fan. Let them go have AC!
‪#‎RakhiSawant‬

(April 5)

Militarily, Pakistan was the most powerful Muslim nation in the world.
It severely weakened itself by attacking India non-stop for no valid reason.

(April 2)

The vicious American War Cycle…
Democrats create conditions for war.
Republicans go to war.

2012 US Prez polls: Candidate with most Twitter followers won.
2014 India PM polls: Candidate with most Twitter followers won.
2015 UK PM polls: Candidate with most Twitter followers won.
2016 US Prez polls: Trump has the most Twitter followers.

(April 1)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Bollywood Rs 100 crore club musings…

Posted on by
Reply

Worst SRK movie I’ve seen is Ra.One.
It did Rs 115 crores.
Worst Salman movie I’ve seen is Dabangg 2.
Rs 155 crores.
I am totally out of sync with modern India.

Shitty film?
Don’t worry.
Dher saara publishitty hai na!
‪

My strange news feed…
80% Status Messages praise film: Rs 40 crore at box office.
50-50 verdict: Rs 80 crore.
90% royally trash film: Rs 150 crore!

1 Bollywood Superstar
+ 1 Publicity blitzkrieg
+ 1 Weekend
= Rs 100 crores.
(Story, logic aur quality gaya tel lene)

1st Weekend: Superstar hai. Accha hi hoga. Dekhte hai. Bam! 100 crores.
2nd weekend: 100 crore movie hai. Accha hi hoga. Dekhte hai. Bam! 50 more crores.
TV pe dekhi hi lete hai free main, music sun hi lete hai. Bam! 50 more crores.

#‎SRK‬
2007: Sattar minute main World Cup jeet lo!
2013: Sattar ghante main Rs 100 Crore Club jeet lo!
‪#‎ChennaiExpress‬

Films are getting shittier and shittier and making more and more money.
Are we viewers getting dumber or are producers getting smarter?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Bollywood style musings…

Posted on by
Reply

Imagine all the Bollywood movies you’ve watched in your life.
Now imagine none of the heroes exist, but all the villains do.
Welcome to India!

Since it’s called Krrish 3, the original Krrish becomes the first movie to be retrospectively called its own sequel while Koi… Mil Gaya becomes Krrish 1 even though no Krissh exists in the entire movie.
Confused?
So am I!

One in ten people in the world have probably seen a Bollywood shoot by now.

Looking at politics, films and business in India, anyone can be a politician, Bollywood star or industrialist.
You just have to be born in the right family.

Chennai Express hasn’t even been released and already there are so many memes, spoofs, jokes and comments blasting it!
‪#‎SRK‬

Today any Bollywood superstar could pretend to make a movie, con the industry into buying rights etc and flee the country with Rs 200 crores in his pocket just like that.
‪#‎BlockbusterEvenBeforeRelease‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru