Sonny Quotes

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• Question of the Son: AFTER getting the Nobel Peace Prize, can one do as much violence as one wants?

• My son says that it’s necessary for small kids to scream every now and then for no reason to reduce the stress in their life…

• “Son, whatever goes up, must come down”… “But Papa, that doesn’t hold true in space, right?” Sigh! Today’s kids: Try telling them anything at your own risk.

• My son calls me Tiger! Then he adds the National Geographic fact that tigers sleep about 20 hours a day and are irritable and angry during their waking hours.

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 1

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· Yesterday: He is my Friend, Philosopher and Guide.
Today: He is my Friend, Follower and Connection.

· Women are from this Universe. Men are from one that is yet to be discovered.

· Money can’t buy you happiness, but it sure can buy your kids’ peace.

· A tooth for a tooth will only make all the dentists of the world very rich.

· First we used to turn to fiction to escape reality, so now why do we turn to Reality shows?

· Expenditure does not automatically rise to meet income, you make it rise, because you have nothing else better to do in life.

· I love wasting time. I feel so rich when I do it!

· They are not at all “Social” in any way and should be called Virtual Networking Sites.

· Some children’s clothes are priceless, 100% cotton, but the threads are synthetic. So on a full iron, they come out well, but the threads burn.

· I get so less salary that today my Inbox directed my Salary Slip to the Junk Mail folder!

© Sunil Rajguru

News in Limericks 2

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There was this place called Bangalore,
Where it seemed digging was the main chore,
For all sorts of pipes and roads they dug,
For Metro, flyovers and underpasses they dug,
Ab ye dil maange digging no more!

***

There was this party called the BJP,
Which in one piece just wouldn’t be,
They fought and fought,
What havoc they wrought!
2009 was the year when the “I” replaced the “We”.

***

There were these dudes called the Men in Blue,
Who always did flatter to deceive you,
They broke records galore,
They notched a few wins more,
But at crunch time they always got bruised black and blue.

***

There was this dude called Obama,
Who go the peace prize Hey Baba!
On peace how he did talk!
But did he walk the talk?
The future will show if it all was a drama.

***

There was this tournament called IPL,
Which in its first season was a great sell,
Interest dropped in Season 2
For Season 3 viewers may be few,
But they’ll still get more teams and leagues and hype, what the hell!

***

© Sunil Rajguru

If the Americans had ruled us till 1947 instead of the British…

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…India would have a Presidential form of government. No instability, coalitions and partners fighting with their demands. Same at the state level with their powerful Governors.

…we would have been called the USI or United States of India.

…our national game would have been baseball… Think how much time we would have saved not playing all those 5-day matches along with the loss of productivity of the whole nation following them.

…we would have started IT services in the seventies, software development in the 80s and by now we would have overtaken Silicon Valley. Microsoft India would be bigger than Microsoft US and Bill Gates would have become an honorary Indian citizen.

…we would been a Capitalistic Democratic Republic and in the throes of a Great Depression along with the US, our GDP would have seen negative growth.

…the Left parties wouldn’t have existed.

… the PIO (Person of Indian Origin) would be the biggest minority group in the US and a PIO would have become Prez long before Obama.

…the Rajya Sabha would be called the Indian Senate and be actually powerful and relevant.

…we would have been a nation of coffee drinkers. Since coffee is a bigger stimulant than tea, would we all have been more alert and productive?

…Britain would have been just another island for us.

…we would all have been driving to the right.

…it would have been Maruti Ford and it would have come maybe a decade earlier.

…since India would have been an ally of the US, Pak and Russia would have joined hands.

…US would force China and India to have strong ties and signed a UCIFTA (US China India Free Trade Agreement).

…we would be more worried about Taiwan than Tibet.

…The Khidki Operating System would have been developed in Bangalore and be a best seller in the country.

…Shashi Tharoor would have been the UN Secretary General now and India would have got a permanent seat in the Security Council.

…New Delhi would have been struggling to host the 2012 Olympics right now and not the 2010 Commonwealth Games.

…there would be no cricket in India! Can you even begin to comprehend that!

…Slumdog Millionaire would have been directed by Steven Spielberg and be full of Indian Americans and special effects.

…Green and Gay would have been both very in.

…our parents’ generation would have all participated in a Woodstock-type festival.

…Obama would have tripled aid to India in his latest bill.

…George W Bush would have got the Bharat Ratna this year.

…we would have had two time zones.

…there would be no babugiri and sahab syndromes and peons and we would all be doing all our work by ourselves.

© Sunil Rajguru

Why is Facebook getting so desperate?

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(On the right side top of Facebook is a Suggestions section. If you’re on Facebook and have seen that, then read on…)

Facebook suggests…

Go on, poke ABC now! (Yikes! Why? For what joy?)

DEF doesn’t have a profile picture, suggest one. (Do I look like a mobile picture library to you?)

Reconnect with GHI, write on his Wall. (Reconnect? Aren’t we too connected on Facebook in the first place?)

Reconnect with JKL, send him a message. (Send a message just like that? You mean spam him?)

MNO: You haven’t talked on Facebook lately. Write on his Wall. (Haven’t talked on Facebook lately? Where and who are you? My wife thinks I’m a Facebook Addict, First Class)

PQR: Make Facebook better for him. Send him a message. (Sending inane messages for no reason will make Facebook better? Hmmmm)

STU is 5% active, write him a message. (Haven’t you heard of the term: Let sleeping dogs lie!)

VWX is a fan of Criminals of the World Unite, Become a Fan! (Hello! Do you even understand the name of the group you are recommending Mr Facebook Mathematical God Knows How and Why You Calculate Suggestions Algorithm?)

XYZ only has 6 friends suggest a few more. (Maybe this guy is not as crazy as I am in adding Friends left right and centre, can’t you just leave him alone?)

© Sunil Rajguru

Short Takes October 2009

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· India needs the very mildest excuse to burst crackers at night or set up a pandal with 20,000 watt loudspeakers and spoil everyone’s sleep: Any vague festival, a cricket victory, a marriage…

· Obama is laying all the groundwork in his first term. All the achievements will flow like a waterfall in his second term.

· 2010 Commonwealth Games Baton Relay will cover the longest route. That symbolizes the longest delay in constructing Commonwealth Games infrastructure.

· BJP ke paas bache the do bade cheez: Karnataka aur Gujarat. Karnataka main infighting aur Gujarat main Flu. BJP ko bura waqt kab khatam hoga?

· First it was: Are you online or offline. Now: Are you Waveline?

(30 October)

·  Idiom: Hoist by one’s own petard. Meaning: Destroyed by the very device one had intended for another. Replace: Device with terrorist, one with Pak, another with India. Sad. Very sad. Not good for India in the long run.

· Dhon-Dhoni-dhun-run!

(29 October)

· Says Facebook: “News Feed” picks stories that “we think you’ll enjoy”… Oh yeah Facebook! Now you can read my mind too!

· Bengaluru aur Baarish. Do purane dost mil rahe hain.

· All the Indian PMs have talked soooooo much on peace in Kashmir, so how come none of them won a Nobel Peace Prize?

· TV watching kills brain cells and is not actually harmful for eyesight. Computers are good for the brain and usually computer screens are very harmful for the eyes. So…

(28 October)

· 2 Elephants fight. Grass gets trampled. 2 Tigers fight. Congress Grass flourishes.

· Dost. Man ka Jharoka. Pasand. Deewar. Parchiya. KisanNagar. Bhai Logon ka Yudh. Prashna-Uttar jo apni dil ki baat, bhoot kaal, vartaman kaal aur bhavishya kaal sab bataye… Yahi sab hain CheheraKitaab Meri Jaan!

(22 October)

· The climate is sure changing! The ice is cracking. India is warming up to the US on Kyoto, trade and other international issues. Ram Jaane peeth peeche kya khichdi pak rahi hain!

· Have you noticed how there’s been a sudden spurt of violence in Pak ever since Obama won the Peace Prize?

· New Delhi. 1982 Asiads. 2010 Commonwealth. 2040 Olympics? (I have a dream…)

(21 October)

· The Diwali Wars have finally ended! For days the atmosphere, human ear drums & respiratory systems have been under incessant attack from noise and smoke. Har Bhartiya insaan paise ko dhue main udaata chala gaya… P.S. In other news, Burnol met their annual targets.

(20 October)

· Happy (Cough! Cough!) Diwali. P.S. I want to see and feel Diwali, not smell and hear it 24/7.

(18 October)

· It’s fast turning out to be an Indian Pointless League

· Hope one day we all can have a Noisefree and Smokefree Diwali. Happy Diwali!

(17 October)

· Indo-Chinese ties: Crouching Dragon, Hidden Tiger

(14 October)

· Obama finally reaches the cult status of George W Bush.
All the stand-up comedians are making fun of him.

· Faith can move Mountains. Hope can win Nobel Prizes.

· We are truly the Gypsy Generation, hum logo ka koi thikana nahin hain job/citywise.

· Obama is donating his prize money to charity. The prize itself he’ll donate to Pakistan, that’s his only Hope to Peace.

· They are renaming the Nobel Prize, from now on it will be called the Nobel Prize for Hope.

(10 October)

· 2010: Obama gets Nobel Literature Prize for his books and compiled speeches
2011: Obama get Nobel Economics Prize for taking the world out of recession
2012: Obama gets Nobel Medicine Prize for healthcare reforms
2013: Obama gets second Nobel Peace Prize for actually bringing peace, the first time he got for just talking about it…

· I guess Obama must be as surprised as we are. Let’s see how “Peaceful” the rest of his term is. For us, it just means more and more billions in aid to our dear neighbour…

· What will happen to these trillions of words we are writing in cyberspace…

· In the last 25 years, Aus, SL and Pak are the only teams to have won an ODI WC. They are in one group and India is in another. It doesn’t get simpler than that.

(9 October)

© Sunil Rajguru